"I'd like to call everyone to order and declare this meeting of STUFFED (Stop Turning Undeveloped Farm Fields into Environmental Disasters) to order... Yes Celia?"

"Mr Chairman, since this is the first time we are meeting, I'd like to know precisely what is our brief, with regard to saving the Maltese environment?"

"Saving, Celia? Don't you mean salvaging the little that's left?"

"Whatever..."

"Yes, well... we have been appointed by the government to take a stand on all matters of over-development and indeed the raping of our fair land by these barbaric and unprincipled developers... or should I say over-developers!"

(A ripple of applause and some muted "hear, hears" reverberate around the table)

"Very commendable I'm sure but - "

"Address the chair please Bernard."

"Apologies. Er, Mr Chairman... Before we get our teeth... or should that be bulldozers into this knotty question of blanket over-development. I'd like to ask a question?"

"Go ahead Bernard."

"Mr Chairman, we are a government-appointed body, right?"

"Right."

"Well then Mr Chairman, I'd like to know what power we have to act in the face of the rape of our fair island."

"Power?"

"Yes, is the government giving us the right to: A: Refuse development permits; or B: Tear down existing monstrosities?"

"Are you being serious Bernard?"

"Absolutely... Mr Chairman."

"Then get real! The mere fact that we have been appointed by the government should have told you where the real power lies."

"With the government."

"You're joking of course John."

"Well no - I - ?"

"Why did they put that idiot on this committee?"

"Erm... dunno, perhaps it's because he's an architect?"

"So?"

"Yeah, I see what you mean."

"Anyway, we're stuck with him now... Er Norbert?"

"Yes, Mr Chairman?"

"Do you honestly and truly believe that the power to rule or overrule building developments lies with the government?"

"OK... sorry, with MEPA then."

(The room collapses in convulsive laughter)

"Er... wrong again?"

"Wrong again Norb. No, everybody knows with whom the real power lies."

"Go on... remind me."

"It lies with the developers themselves... especially the big, powerful ones."

"Ah yes, of course."

"If Mr C or Mr P wants to stick up a block of flats in the middle of San Anton Gardens, that's where it'll go and not il-gvern, or MEPA, or the Curia even will stop him. If he wants it built in San Anton Gardens, that's where it'll be built."

"Mr Chairman?"

"Yes Celia?"

"So that means we've got a real fight on our hands."

"How do you mean?"

"Well... battling with MEPA or the government is one thing, but fighting against the developers is going to be ten times harder."

"Erm... pardon me for asking Celia, but what makes you think we'll be fighting the developers?"

"That's what we've been put here to do, isn't it? Why are you shaking your head and sighing Mr Chairman?"

"Precisely because Celia... sweetie, we were nominated onto this committee by the government."

"Sorry Mr Chairman, maybe it's the heat... but I must seem awfully slow."

"The government put us here to look as though they are taking all this rampant over-development seriously and are actually pressuring them to do something about it but - "

"They have no intention of actually doing so."

"Other than forming this quango... no."

"Mr Chairman?"

"Yes David?"

"Does that mean that nothing changes... all that uncontrolled building, etc., will just carry on, regardless?"

"No David. Or that is... Yes David... but the difference is that now the government are perceived by the gullible public to be seen to be at least trying to do something about it."

"Brilliant!"

"Isn't it."

"I hate to sound vulgar but... what is our fee for being on this committee."

"Two grand. Any more questions, complaints or agitation?"

"So we just take the money and run?"

"Well Celia no, not run... I prefer a gentle stroll."

"Nothing changes then?"

"Except our bank accounts."

"Shall I minute all that?"

"You do Charles, and I'll break your f*****g neck! Meeting adjourned."