Interesting story in a recent issue of The Times caught my eye.
It seems his supreme premiership Il-Prim is looking for - and I quote: "an explosion of ideas". Yeah, but what ideas and ideas about what?
The sentence I quote concludes: "and (to) formulate a long-term vision inspired by solidarity and the Maltese identity". No, I haven't got a clue what it means either.
But let's be kind and suggest that maybe, just maybe the old boy is trawling for a few visionary notions to shunt this country forward a centimetre or two. To be fair, although he's somewhat short on specifics, he does apparently make encouraging noises about finding alternative energy resources, safeguarding water resources and strengthening tourism and industry.
No sweat, boss, and what would you like me to do after lunch?
Incidentally, the same report mentioned that the PM was: "sitting calmly (as opposed to frenziedly, presumably) in a conference room at a Sliema hotel, flanked by pink boxes..." Yes I had to read that bit twice. Pink boxes?
Why pink, for goodness sake? Is the PM trying to cosy up to the gay community at long last?
But I digress. And ever one to push myself forward in the assistance of my country, here are a few of Sylvanus' suggestions as to how to drag Malta and Gozo into the 19th century and right up there on a par with other great forward-looking modern democracies like Papua New Guinea and North Korea:
Well, for a start, I certainly think we could deploy what little money we do have much better than we are doing at the moment. At a stroke, we should abandon for good any thoughts of entering that embarrassing annual tat-fest known as the Eurovision Song Contest.
When I heard that the government was tossing the best part of half a million euros at that nothing song - however sweet and winsome the singer may have been - I was incensed. How dare they chuck our money away like that! I'd sooner they put it into an incinerator and burnt it, or gave it to Tonio to spend on Arsenal season tickets... same thing.
Oh, and while we're on the subject of the government squandering money hand over fist, I expect you're waiting for me to have a go at them for spending three quarters of a million euros on the Pope's visit? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, I think that was money well spent.
In fact, I'm all for the PM or the Archbishop or whoever it is that deals with these things... setting up a papal visit every year! Oh yes, and make sure his popemobile takes a different route around the islands every time. That way we would give our appalling roads a facelift that would, in time, with enough papal stopovers, see our highways and byways brought up to an acceptable standard.
Good idea, huh?
Now let's turn our attention to finding alternative energy resources. Methane, yes you heard right. I suggest... seriously... that every man, woman and child residing in Malta be issued with a canister. Rigged up to the appropriate orifice to collect all the methane we expel during the course of a day.
I read recently that each and every one of us eructs at least 60 times over a 24-hour period - (except in the case of my nanna, when a far higher figure is appropriate).
Think about it. This should produce cheap - once the canisters have been paid for - and reasonably clean energy source that is also renewable. So see to it, would you Mr PM?
Safeguarding water resources is a little trickier. But here again recycling is surely a viable option. If we filter all the water we pass in a day through an appropriate membrane, it would at least give us enough water (maybe not potable, but we can't have everything) for flushing the WC or washing down the yard.
Oh yes, I'm full of these wonderful ideas, but if you want any more Dr G... it'll cost ya!