When the highest institutions excuse violence against women, violence in homes is also excused, according to a domestic abuse survivor and coordinator of a support service for female victims.

“We pay highly for domestic violence. Today, we have an empty chair. One of our founding members was murdered in 2012. She was a survivor like us and her case remains unsolved.

“We recently heard of 32 homicides in five years, of which nine were women. Eight of these were directly linked to domestic violence,” Elaine Compagno told fellow survivors at a conference by Soar Service, provided by the St Jean Antide Foundation.

Ms Compagno’s comments come in the wake of an incident in Parliament last month. Labour MP Joe Debono Grech and independent MP Marlene Farrugia were ordered by the Speaker to withdraw disparaging remarks they made.

Dr Farrugia, who had just resigned from the Labour parliamentary group, and Mr Debono Grech called each other a clown and the former Cabinet minister verbally threatened her. Eventually, he apologised.

Ms Compagno urged the government to “invest in making your systems efficient, in our social workers, our shelters, our police and our Family Court. Invest in proper training and research.”

She was one of five former victims of abuse who shared poignant experiences of fellow survivors that emerged out of 22 in-depth interviews. One of the survivors, calling herself Annemarie, asked those present what the word ‘home’ meant for them.

“To many it conveys a meaning of peace, security and warmth. Home is where the heart is. But what if home is where you get hurt? What if home is where you die at the hands of your perpetrator – that one person you once trusted the most?”

The survivors spoke of their experiences from the moment they left home and entered a police station to trying to gain independence, while urging stakeholders to do their part.

When people knew their job and did it well, resilience became possible for the traumatised, Ms Compagno noted, mentioning an example of a woman who spoke to “sensitive, diligent and helpful” police officers. Her lawyer was understanding and supportive and the protection order handed down forced the aggressor to vacate the matrimonial home.

Although during her separation process she still sat in the small and windowless meditation room that fellow survivors complained of, the mediator recognised the imbalance of power and ended the mediation. She went on to find work, liveindependently and start over. “Our country made a commitment last year when we ratified the Istanbul Convention. Now it’s time to liveup to that commitment,” MsCompagno insisted.

What would they change?

• Speaking to a female police officer, rather than a male, discussing their report in private and having a social worker at the police station.

• Interest-free loans to assist in the victim’s resettlement.

• Mandatory education about violence against women and economic abuse as part of the school curriculum.

• Lifelong learning about domestic violence that caters for judges, lawyers and mediators.

From the mouths of survivors

“If you had kept your mouth shut, we wouldn’t have to be here right now” – said to a battered woman who called the police to her home.

“[The police officer] was trying to say I’m as guilty. He told me: ‘Madam, a train runs on two tracks’. I was sobbing throughout and he just kept going on and on.”

“It’s bad enough to have to explain things to one person but to have to tell it to all the officers at the police station was very embarrassing.”

“The mediator downplayed my experience. She informed me that my husband cannot help abusing me as he’s got ADHD.”

“I moved in and out of my home 12 times throughout my marriage until I finally bought his share and made him leave.”