Men are from Mars and women are from Venus; that’s just the way it is – right? Proving that point, Jo Caruana grills two of the characters in DnA’s upcoming playThe Opposite Sex to discover why gender really does set us planets apart.

What is it that makes a man and a woman so fundamentally different? Much of our genetic make up may be the same, but when hormones come into play, clearly something goes awry.

In an effort to understand the workings of male vs female, The Sunday Times asked one of the couples in the comedy The Opposite Sex to offer their insights into the workings of outwardly idyllic married life.

Mark (played by Alan Montanaro) is a witty, charming and somewhat suave city slicker, who’s going through a bit of a midlife crisis.

Tell us a bit about yourself, Mark.

I’m a born and bred Londoner. I got my marketing degree at the London School of Business and Finance (that’s the LSBF), and worked (and partied) in the city for a few years before being offered a rather cushy directorial position just outside London.

I could never have afforded an apartment like ours had we stayed in London. You’d think my wife, Vicky, would be more appreciative – but, no, she’s constantly moaning that we never go out or have people over for dinner. Which is true – because after a long day running a business, I just want to come home and put my feet up.

What do you do?

My job at one of the largest provincial advertising agencies in this part of the world is stressful and entails a lot of business lunches and dinners.

You know what it’s like. As an advertising man, it’s my job to wine and dine clients. Vicky can’t seem to understand that the schmoozing comes with the advertising territory. She gets so irate and, dare I say, jealous. Bless her – she’d complain if I went out with a monkey.

What are your hobbies?

Like I have time for hobbies! But I do like my music. And I know a thing or two about wine.

How would you describe your relationship with your wife?

It’s good. Honestly! We argue a lot, sure, but that’s because we’re both intelligent people with a refined wit. There’s never really a dull moment with Vicky because she’s always challenging me.

Our sex life could do with a bit of spicing up. I like a bit of kink, but sadly, Vicky’s not too adventurous when it comes to the sack.

My theory is that her mouth gets exhausted from all the nagging. (God, if she knew I told you this, I’d be singing soprano for the rest of my life).

Do you believe in complete honesty between you?

Definitely not. Honesty is overrated. My mantra is: what Vicky doesn’t know, won’t hurt her. Not that there’s anything for her to know, really. But if there were, I don’t think I’d tell her. What’s the point? I’m going to get in trouble anyway.

Any skeletons in your closet?

I wish! If you had to look deep into my closet you’d find suits, shirts, ties, a pair of Prada shoes, my gold clubs, some tumbleweed and the odd vulture.

Vicky (played by Denise Mulholland) is a feisty, passionate and bored marriage counsellor and self-confessed ‘Stepford wife’.

Tell us a bit about yourself, Vicky.

The most important thing about me? I guess if you’d asked me that question 10 years ago my answer would have been quite different.

I used to feel I was important; now I’m not so sure. Sometimes I think that if I ran away with the milkman it would take Mark at least two weeks to notice. As long as he had a clean shirt in the morning and a strong gin and tonic waiting for him in the evening, a monkey could take my place.

What do you do?

I spend most of my time being what you would term ‘a trophy wife’ (although Mark always responds to that by asking what lottery-from-hell he won). Mark brings a lot of clients home and requires me to play hostess and make sure the house looks good. I also work part-time as a marriage counsellor and I take adult further education classes.

What are your hobbies?

I like to dabble in the kitchen, I love travelling and I have quite a flair for pottery, or so I have been told.

How would you describe your relationship with your hubby?

I always wanted a partner, someone who would treat me as an equal and, at first, that’s what Mark and I had. But then his work began to take over and I started to fall further into the Stepford Wife role.

Being in a relationship is difficult; we all crave excitement and new experiences, but they are too soon replaced by familiarity and habit.

Sometimes I do long for a bit of passion. That said, I do love Mark. He is terribly funny and more than a match for me; in fact, our relationship has always been a bit of a verbal sparring game. But I’m not sure he really understands the opposite sex.

I spend too many evenings on my own wondering what he’s getting up to with all his glamorous clients and his peroxide bimbo secretary.

Do you believe in complete honesty between you?

Let’s say I believe in ‘selective’ honesty. Some things are best brushed under the carpet.

Any skeletons in your closet?

Tucked behind the designer dresses and the limited edition handbags there may be one or two bony friends – but that is exactly where they are going to stay.

DnA’s The Opposite Sex

Fancy delving further into the lives of Mark and Vicky? This comedy about love, life and everything in between begins with a dinner party, at which point the past comes back to haunt all those present.

Following from their debut production The Secret Lives of Henry and Alice, by David Tristram in May 2009, DnA Theatre Productions are now staging The Opposite Sex. The show brings together actors and comedians Alan Montanaro, Denise Mulholland, Rowena Grima and Malcolm Galea, and is directed by Herman Grech.

Performances are at St James Cavalier, Valletta on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and May 20 to 22. To book, call 2122 3200 or e-mail boxoffice@sjcav.org.