The voices of IVF couples have been faint in the passionate debate over regulating the procedure. Ariadne Massa finds out they do not wish to reveal their identity for fear of being rebuked by society.

Pink balloons and ribbons line the staircase leading up to a pastel-coloured cot where a baby girl, the cause behind the celebratory mood, sleeps peacefully.

It’s been eight weeks since the bundle of joy was carried home from the hospital, but the beaming parents, who ended a nine-year wait for a child, are not about to take down the decorations or store the cards so quickly.

“Every time we see her, we have to pinch ourselves to make sure we’re not dreaming,” Cynthia*, 33, said, picking the baby out of the cot and cradling her gently.

The couple’s joy is the result of a second attempt at in vitro fertilisation – a process by which egg cells are fertilised by sperm outside the body – and they felt the need to speak out to ensure parents’ voices are heard before any legislation is drawn up.

They spoke on condition of anonymity because they fear society has not matured enough to be sensitive to their anguish and fear their daughter will be labelled once she starts school.

The Sunday Times attempted to speak to seven couples whose IVF procedure was a success, but although they were willing to share their story, nobody was prepared to reveal their identity.

“IVF is still a taboo. There is still too much ignorance of the subject and society isn’t open-minded. Too many shoot from the hip with incorrect information,” Matthew*, 35, said, as Cynthia spoke about the unknowing insensitivity of relatives and friends who badgered them to have children.

The couple said parents’ fear to open up was further compounded by the Church’s stand, as many were confused and unsure what its position was.

He added: “Some are so influenced by this that they are deciding not to do anything and wait for clear direction, but in the meantime they risk losing their chance of trying out alternatives.”

The Vatican’s document on bioethics, Dignitatis Personae (Dignity of the Person), condemns artificial fertilisation, human cloning, designer babies, embryonic stem cell research and the morning-after pill. This 2008 document updated the 1987 paper entitled Donum Vitae (Gift of Life).

The document specifies that techniques which assist procreation “are not to be rejected on the grounds that they are they are artificial. As such they bear witness to the possibilities of the art of medicine. But they must be given a moral evaluation in reference to the dignity of the human person...”

It adds: “In the light of this principle all artificial fertilisation techniques... which substitute the conjugal act are to be excluded.” This also applies to married couples.

However, Matthew and Cynthia believe that as long as ethical and moral values are adhered to, using the latest advances in medicine to treat their condition in their quest to become parents is no different to treating diabetes.

“Don’t I have the same right to treat my condition?” Cynthia asked, as her husband added: “I’m at peace with my conscience.”

The couple tied the knot nearly 10 years ago and started trying for a baby soon after. A year passed and nothing happened. Disappointed, they underwent medical tests to establish if something was wrong.

Unfortunately, no problem could be diagnosed and the tests kept coming out clear. This made it harder to accept because there was nothing to treat. Matthew’s emotions emerged in the form of anger, while Cynthia felt psychologically broken.

“You keep asking yourself what’s wrong and you get no reply,” Matthew said.

Their only objective was to earn enough money to undergo the procedures to bear fruit. In all, Matthew calculates they spent approximately €400,000, and they question why Malta does not provide this treatment on the national health service like certain other European countries.

In 2007, they decided their only hope was IVF so they decided to travel to Belgium – where just one embryo is implanted – reducing the chances of triplets who pose greater risks to mother and child.

But their sadness became more profound when this procedure failed. They tried to get their minds off things – Cynthia expelled her emotions into cleaning the house, while Matthew first blew his top, then began to work harder.

One day, as Cynthia was zapping through the television stations, she came across a programme that was discussing Wanting and Waiting (WAW), an infertility support group within the Cana Movement.

“The support should come as soon as the couple start undergoing tests to establish why they cannot have kids. There should be a specific unit within Mater Dei Hospital they can be referred to,” they said.

They cannot stress the advantages of counselling enough and believe it should be the starting point for those who cannot conceive.

“If we had known about the psychological roller coaster, we would have been better prepared,” Cynthia said, speaking about the mood swings.

They soon started looking at the possibility of adopting, but last year Matthew persuaded Cynthia to try IVF one last time.

“I wasn’t prepared for a second attempt. Despite his support I was very afraid of going through it again,” she said, adding that Matthew tried to sell the idea to her in the form of a two-week holiday to the UK.

They chose the UK because they felt the way things stood Malta felt “like a farm where doctors are batching women together for breeding day”.

This “batching” situation was brought to the fore by Bioethics Consultative Committee chairman Michael Asciak, who last week said a foreign embryologist visited Malta once every three months to implant fertilised eggs in the women, which meant they were batched all at one go.

Ten days after they returned from the UK, Cynthia had to undergo a pregnancy test to determine whether the second IVF attempt was successful.

It was Easter Sunday and they got out of bed at about 7.30 a.m. after spending the night tossing and turning wondering what the outcome would be. Cynthia paced up and down the corridor wondering if she should delay the test so as not to ruin the day for the rest of the family.

But curiosity finally got the better of her. She did the test and, too nervous to hang around for the result, told Matthew to “stand guard”.

His heart was pounding as he waited for three minutes before he saw two blue lines – his wife was pregnant.

“I just started weeping after so many years of waiting. I felt it was all a dream,” he recalled.

* Names have been changed.