I think the person who came up with the brilliant idea of turning the Royal Opera House ruins into a roofless theatre deserves a Nobel Prize. I’m not sure in what... but I’m certain they’ll think of something. I mean, what a dazzlingly scintillating piece of theatre construction.

Imagine staging the musical Singin’ in the Rain in real rain

Alright, I’ll grant you, it will mean some tailoring of what actually gets put on there, but horses for courses and all that.

In recent years the local media has been bombarded with letters, tweets and grumbles about the “complete unsuitability of the Teatru l-Elefanta Bajda. Stuff like: “A complete waste of money.” “Totally impractical.” “A theatre for one season”... and so on.

Nobody, it seems, took the trouble to see what actually could be done with – and I quote yet another critique: “This abomination.”

Well, I disagree, and here, today, are a few reasonable suggestions of what can be put on there and – where applicable – when they can be staged.

Let’s start with music: The perceived wisdom among the doubters is that during the summer months (In their view, the only time that the theatre can be utilised), firework displays and other extraneous noises will make any concert or recital staged in this theatre a nightmare experience, when the music will be drowned out by explosions, traffic noise, and so forth...

My response is: So, tailor your concert programme to the circumstances. Just think what a thrilling musical experience it would be to hear the National Philarmonic Orchestra play Tchaikovsly’s 1812 overture... with real explosions!

Come on guys, think outside the box.

And still on the subject of music; it occurs to me that this wonderful new al fresco theatre should give young Maltese composers the opportunity to write new and exciting contemporary and atonal music for this environment. You know the sort of thing: “Sonata for car horns and low-flying aircraft.” Or: “Toccata and fugue for bombi and kaxxa infernale.”

Then what about drama? The possibilities here are endless. Well, OK, not quite endless, but certainly give room for ingenuity. Imagine staging the musical Singin’ in the Rain in real rain. So the audience might get a bit soggy, but hey! If the actors are willing to suffer for their art, why not the punters too?!

If we are thinking about straight plays with weather themes, there’s The Rainmaker and the English Tudor morality play entitled, appropriately enough, Play About the Weather, that would do nicely.

And, of course, if the MADC could be persuaded to stage their annual Shakespeare production in the White Elephant Theatre, and around the time of the late summer thunder and lightning, just imagine how effective the storm scene from King Lear would look... with a genuine tempest raging... live!

Staying with Shakespeare, Teatru L-Elefanta Bajda would be the ideal setting to stage The Tempest... during windy May – and/or The Winter’s Tale during January.

During high summer, when the peace is often interrupted by the jolly blasts of fireworks, there are also quite a number of plays that require explosions. For instance, there’s All Quiet on the Western Front, (It isn’t incidentally... quiet, that is), plus another World War I play, Dogfall... set in a trench in the full blast of battle.

And maybe some enterprising local dramatist could write a new and original play about the World War II siege of Malta. If it were staged during one of the Valletta feasts, or even San Gaejtan close by, the production company could save a fortune on sound effects.

I also happen to think the theatre would be perfect for pop concerts. These are normally held in the open air anyway, so now we would have a custom-built venue.

And all the extraneous sound effects wouldn’t make much difference, since no one can ever hear the music for the screaming girls. I wonder how much Justin Bieber would want to play a gig there?

But if we work on the horses for courses theory we just have to engage what’s left of that iconic 1980s band Wet, Wet, Wet.

And, of course, if all else fails, they could always use it to house the Monti.