Whoever believes flying is fun is a nut. Because it’s not. Nature did not intend us to be strapped into a seat with limited legroom, undergoing rapid pressure and temperature changes while breathing in recycled air for an endless amount of hours.

So after more than a handful of trans-Atlantic and trans-Indian Ocean flights here are a few tips I’ve picked up on how to make the experience a little less torturous.

The attire

I always cringe when I see passengers dressed like they’re about to step onto the red carpet. It’s true that you may want to look your best when striding through those arrival gates, but really, being clad in high heels and tailored pants and jacket during a 24-hour journey is a punishment fit only for the lowliest of criminals.

Joan Rivers would kill me if she heard me say this, but put aesthetic appearance last. Tracksuit pants, joggers and a comfy top are always my fashion choice. Make sure you take a soft jacket or pullover with you for when the temperature drops at night.

The seat

The aisle seat is my personal favourite. You are free to get up and down as you please without having to poke and prod your soundly sleeping neighbour.

Some prefer the window seat as they can rest their head against the wall – however, this means that you’ve got to disturb and squeeze past two people whenever nature calls. Needless to say, being on the aisle means that you will be the one disturbed.

So it all depends on whether you prefer being the disturbed or the disturbee. Keep in mind that it is a good idea to get up and stretch your legs once every hour or so. This helps blood circulation and is a relief to those with aching knees.

The pharmaceuticals

Popping a multivitamin pill before the flight helps make up for any nutrients lost during the flight and helps to enhance the body’s immune system.

Nasal spray is great for flying. It aids in preventing colds, flu and sore throats due to recycled airplane air and close proximity to germy fliers. It also clears the sinuses during long flights.

I also like to make full use of the hot towels that are brought round. Putting it over my face and breathing through it may frighten neighbouring children but it helps sort out the congestion due to cabin air pressure in the nose, mouth and ears. Once the head is nice and cleared, use the towel to wipe down your arms and neck.

Moisturising hands and face every so often prevents you exiting the plane looking like an expired grape. Eye drops are also a good investment and may now be carried through security. Being prone to getting sick on flights, I also always turn the air-conditioning off or away from my face.

The food and drink

Drink lots of water. Dehydration probably does the most damage. Make sure you’re well hydrated before the flight.

Do keep drinking throughout the flight of course. Avoid diuretics such as alcohol and caffeine. To contradict myself, however, I find a small bottle of wine with the in-flight meal is a great way to help me to sleep.

Avoid the bread and desserts provided with the meals, as these leave you feeling heavy and bloated. It’s best to bring your own food from home, though this is understandably a little bit of a hassle. Squashed, soggy sandwiches aren’t very appetising.

The airline

I always choose Emirates for long flights. The ladies will be pleased to learn that flyers are allowed a max of 30kg baggage weight – among the highest allowed of all airlines.

The in-flight entertainment is superb – there is a vast choice of music, films, television programmes and games to cater for anyone from an Arabian business mogul to an impatient five-year-old child.

You can follow the progress of your flight, check and send e-mails and follow real-time news updates. Boredom is a lethal thing and it was Emirates’ digital TV that kept me sane and entertained.

And finally...

Don’t be shy to call the steward if you need anything – particularly fluids.

If you feel uncomfortable about the number of times you’ve been hitting the call button, get up yourself and find a steward. It’s their job to look after the passengers and they are usually more than happy to oblige to your needs. If you feel panicky or scared the crew are well-trained to calm you down.

And to those of you with a few hundreds of euros to spare – travel first class! Bon voyage...