When Sarah* gave birth to her son three years ago, she was overjoyed at becoming a mother but two weeks down the line felt as though a dark cloud was looming over her.

I was afraid of my baby. I was scared I would not be able to look after him

“I was always sad. I was no longer myself. I felt as though my baby had taken away from me the life I knew. I felt that nothing could make me happy and was always scared.

“I then realised I was afraid of my baby. I was scared I would not be able to look after him and was constantly worried.”

Sarah, 32, who managed to climb her way out of postnatal depression, shared her experience during a seminar about the subject on Friday.

The seminar, organised by the Bland Group to mark Mother’s Day today, was held to raise awareness about postnatal depression, which is a clinically recognised form of depression which can affect women, and in some rare cases men, after childbirth.

Symptoms of the condition, which affects some 10 to 14 per cent of women, include sadness, fatigue, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, anxiety and in some cases the expression of negative feelings directed at the child.

Sarah said she and her husband had planned to have a baby. She had a good pregnancy but throughout she was worried about giving birth and that she would get “the baby blues.”

When she gave birth all seemed fine for the first few days. But about two weeks later she no longer recognised herself and realised something was wrong. “I felt as though someone was controlling me like a puppet. It was not me,” she said.

“I was constantly thinking. All the time worried. I never tried to harm my baby but I thought he had taken all I had. I used to work and go out and meet people. All that had stopped,” she said.

Sarah spoke to her gynaecologist who eventually referred her to a psychologist. She was diagnosed with postnatal depression and put on medication.

Slowly, the dark cloud started lifting and it helped when she returned to work and started socialising again. However, it took her about a year to become herself again – she remained quiet and withdrawn during that time.

“Then I decided I did not want to remain on medication all my life. I stopped the meds slowly. Today I’m all right. Looking back I realised that in the first few days after giving birth I was trying to cope with everything alone. That put a lot of pressure on me and was a mistake,” she said.

Sarah said it was helpful to talk out about the problem and feels that any mother going through the same situation should not be afraid to voice their thoughts.

“If you have a problem you need to talk about it in order to solve it,” she said.

*Name has been changed.