Dear friends, yes, I am indeed one of the new, thrusting, left-leaning MPs to arrive fresh and morally clean on the Government backbenches of Parliament.

As I said to our charismatic and loveable leader, when he asked me to stand in the district in which I won my seat: ‘Sure, but where is it?’

In this, my first blog, I shall try to keep the voters of my district – and the rest of the Maltese islands – informed of all the sweeping changes for the better that I and my colleagues will be bringing to your daily lives.

After figuring prominently in the landslide victory we have achieved in the recent general election, we feel that we, under the leadership of our illustrious, charismatic and loveable leader, have a mandate to turn our islands from the mess left behind by the other lot, into a paradise fit for all Maltese... but including those still leaning to the right of centre.

You see... I have entered Parliament (in on the seventh count... no by-election for me) to serve my constituents and work for my party and my country – in that order.

I hope that’s quite clear; like our charismatic and loveable leader, I have entered the dog-eat-dog world of politics so that I may, in my small way, make the world... our world, a better place.

A better place to bring up our children and to consign our old people to homes that will care for them and expedite their journey... our journey, to the next world and beyond.

As I said to our charismatic and loveable leader when he asked me to stand in the district in which I won my seat: “Sure, but where is it?” And once he’d pointed it out on his copy of Malta A to Z, I immediately put my campaign into overdrive.

Not only did I actually visit the area, but I even set up a constituency office nearby. So I trust you’ll agree that my dedication to the task in hand is beyond reproach.

And I’m already enjoying some of the fruits of my – dare I say – noble and altruistic stance.

At the mass meeting on the Fosos to celebrate our great victory, I even managed to get close enough to our charismatic and loveable leader on the stage for large sectors of the crowd to enquire of one another: “Who’s that bloke up on the platform standing next to that backbencher?” At least that’s what they said, according to my mother.

And mention of Mummy brings me on to the subject of my family who, despite malicious rumours to the contrary, have been totally behind me in my quest for power... I mean representation. And as I always say: blood is thicker than politics and blood is red... not blue.

To those who say my family has always supported the opposition party, I would remind them that my father was once very close to our late, great leader. Yes, it happened when Daddy was lining up a putt on the eighth green at Marsa golf club.

The late, great leader happened to be wobbling past on his horse at the time. He seemed to Daddy to be about to return the golfers’ cheery wave when he toppled sideways from his mount.

Daddy was the nearest to the great man and it was he... yes he... who picked him up, dusted him down and helped him to remount.

And I have it on Daddy’s personal assurance that it was not he that was heard sniggering, it was the other golfers... so there!

This is the first edition of what is expected to become a must-read for all progressively-minded citizens and – soon – one hopes, destined to go viral.

See you soon.

Comments:

Newly red at 7.45am writes:

This is the sort of young, energetic and intelli... intella... clever politixin we need. And no, I don’t say so just ’cos I is his Mummy.

Troo bloo at 9.01am writes:

Here speaks a politician who should go far... preferably Outer Mongolia!