Family plays an important and powerful role in the sexual development of children and adolescents. Parents are the primary educators of their children and therefore a crucial element in the creation of informed and confident young people in various areas including sexuality and relationships development. The information and messages that are, or even many times are not, communicated between parents and children have the potential to shape sexual decision-making during early youth.

Research has shown that the most effective approach to young people’s sexual health education is achieved when a supportive partnership exists between parents and schools. A research project commissioned by the Department of Health, Western Australia to advise public health strategies which aim to ensure young people are well-educated and informed about relationships and sexual health showed that parents support the provision of sexual health education in schools.

A number of factors came out from this study which should be taken into consideration when such programmes are developed. In fact parents do want their children to be well informed about sex, sexual health and relationships through the school curriculum – however, they want to be kept informed about programmes delivered in their children’s school. They also want to be assured that the educators teaching their children about sexual health have the skills and qualifications to do their job well, and remain sensitive to the diversity of values among students and their families. Communication was also deemed appropriate so that parents who had concerns could meet up with school authorities and have opportunities for advice on how to handle challenges and conflict, should they arise.

Some parents struggle to fulfil their role of raising sexually healthy children, with some having negative experiences of their own childhood sex education. Many parents feel that they are not well prepared and lack both the knowledge and self-confidence needed for the task. This shows that although parents are the principal educators for their children, they need support in the form of knowledge and skills development.

Research with young people has shown that they want to be able to discuss sex and relationships with their parents, but that they also prefer to talk to their mother rather than their father. The gender gap is definite. Boys pull away from their mothers at around puberty and fathers often do not fill the gap left by this shift, many times leaving boys alone in this difficult period.

We often have parents who don’t talk to their children about sexuality as they believe this will lead them to engage in sexual activity. However studies have shown that on the contrary, when parents discuss sexuality with their children, these are more likely to delay intercourse, have fewer partners, and use contraception.

How can you involve the family in discussions about sexual health?

Open discussions can be of great value as they allow parents to share important family values while at the same time assisting children in forming a positive attitude and healthy respect toward sexuality.

Such discussions also help to erase fears and anxieties children often have and help to build trust, understanding, and support. One issue which is frequently encountered is the lack of good communication between parents and their children.

Speak openly to your children and be there when they come back from school to talk about all that happened that day. Do not shut them up because you are busy. Forget that you had a busy day at work and that you really want some quiet time. If your children return from school and want to tell you all about what happened during the maths lesson, just stop loading the washing machine and listen.

This is the only way that you can increase the likelihood that children will seek you out for information and guidance in the future. Do not shut them up or they will shut up even when you really want to know what is going on.

Dealing with young children may not be so difficult but many parents start getting confused when their children are on the brink of adulthood. Puberty may be a challenging period for children, who may think like a child but will be seeing their body change into an adult’s, and also for parents especially in the case of their first child. Do not rely on how we were taught about sexual health issues. Did we get our sexual education through books, a biology lesson, our friends or parents? Remember what the middle school years were like? An emotional roller coaster: hormone madness and changing bodies, a very shaky self-concept, and novel interest in the same or other sex. They were exciting yet awkward times.

That is how your children are feeling. Put yourself in your children’s shoes, listen to them and reply to their questions truthfully according to their age. If you feel the need, attend courses or read up.

There is a general agreement that sexual health education should start early, be age-appropriate, and be dealt with in an open, natural way. Enhancing parents’ ability to communicate expectations and values about sexuality may help support children in making healthy decisions about sexual behaviour as adolescents.

Dr Charmaine Gauci is Director, Health Promotion and Disease Prevention Directorate and Consultant, Public Health Medicine.

The Health Promotion and Disease Prevention Directorate has launched a website dedicated to sexual health with a section for parents. For more information visit www.sexualhealth.gov.mt.