Impending fatherhood can give any man a bad case of the jitters. Family therapist Charlie Azzopardi guides all dads-to-be in the best way to ease into their new role, which goes way beyond the provision of money and punishment. Interacting with their unborn baby may sound strange, but it is vital.

I can still look back to that first moment when my wife told me she was pregnant. I can still recall that mixture of fear, anxiety, joy, concern and confusion.

There is no manual or handbook that truly helps you understand the whole experience

“I am soon going to be a father,” I used to constantly tell myself. Of course, little did I know what it meant at that time. There is no manual or handbook that truly helps you understand the whole experience, except for experience itself. I now look back and understand my naivety and inexperience.

As a role, fatherhood has traditionally been tied to bringing money home. This is what the older generations of dads believed their role to be. Children’s care was predominantly, if not completely, the mother’s responsibility. Except, perhaps, for a touch of discipline that instilled fear in the children and portrayed fathers as cruel, regulatory, powerful and so forth.

Of course, today the role of a father has changed completely. If only it were limited to bringing in the money, dads everywhere would have a much simpler life.

However, despite the fact that the father’s role is constantly evolving, many fathers still labour under the misapprehension that fatherhood is this one thin slice from the whole cake.

Not knowing what they are missing by not making the most of their new role, these men are blind to the possible benefits to themselves, to their children and to their families. It is perhaps not the fathers’ fault; indeed, the reason can be traced to a whole cultural, or sub-cultural, system that doesn’t truly promote pride in fatherhood.

The male role models in our society don’t promise much either. Popular men in society are portrayed busy doing business, achieving some form of success and power. Invariably, behind them you will find a strong woman, who takes care of everything else in the family.

But changes are both necessary and inevitable. More than ever before, women are called to contribute to their household’s income, and to share the traditional role of the breadwinner. This is economy ruling and this new reality is compensated for by the necessary changes in the father’s role; we will soon be facing further increases in separation rates.

Being a father beyond the provision of money and punishment can be an extremely rewarding experience for us men, for our wives, as well as for our children. Involving yourself more fully in your children’s lives promotes something special and binding that no amount of money or success can replace.

I invite every dad to rethink this position and make the necessary shift in thinking. After all, if you ask a little child what they want most from their dads, the reply is very likely to be “to play with him more”.

Fatherhood starts from day one, with pregnancy. Interacting with an unborn child may sound crazy, but it is in fact really good for the baby, for the mother, and for yourself as a new father.

Early bonding helps you make the mental shift in becoming a father earlier, and helps you connect with the child when it is born. Fathers who don’t take active participation in pregnancy often report feeling distanced from their child at birth and take longer to feel the tangible effects of their new fatherhood. There are many ways how to interact with the unborn baby.

First of all share the whole pregnancy process with your partner. Attend clinics with her and see the baby on the ultrasound monitor.

Start establishing a routine to be present in the baby’s life. Plan ahead for the future. The baby is there; it’s just unborn.

Make time to discuss your experience of becoming a father with your partner. It is very important that you share these feelingsand thoughts with the mother of your baby. This will help you connect with each other as parents even more.

Listen to your partner’s experience of pregnancy and motherhood. Women often find talking about this very exciting and somehow soothing at the same time. Some women harbour some fears about being pregnant, particularly about the future delivery. Be there to understand.

Attend some pregnancy course with your wife and understand your role in the pregnancy and delivery. This will help you develop a deeper bond with your partner and baby.

Make your partner’s pregnancy the happiest moment in her life. The context within which the child grows has a bearing on the baby’s future health. Some research shows that moods are already detected by the child in the womb and have an effect on the child’s development. Some say it’s only chemistry, but I am not so sure. Be there to listen to her experience of pregnancy. She is carrying your child after all!

Play with your child. Yes, you read well... play! Touch your wife’s tummy as your child grows inside her. Feel the changes as her belly expands. See how the baby reacts to your touch while you try different ‘knocks’. You’d be surprised; he or she might even knock back! Notice how it reacts to your voice as you speak to it.

Play different types of music (obviously not very loud) and discover the baby’s different reactions. Some music is relaxing for the unborn child; other music might make him or her excited, and you may find these discoveries very helpful once the child is born. Playing the same music your unborn child found relaxing will help the newborn relax.

Listen to its heartbeat. You don’t need a stethoscope for this. Either press your ear to your wife’s tummy in complete silence or use a funnel as a stethoscope. It’s fun!

Interacting with your unborn child helps you psychologically adjust to your new role as a father. It also helps you to adapt to your spouse becoming a mother, especially if you want to break away from the limited, traditional sense of being a parent. Although fatherhood can contain some natural instinct, this is often overpowered by cultural stereotypes. You obviously have to work hard at breaking free from these misconceptions.

Make time to discuss your experience of becoming a father with your partner

Interacting with your unborn child also helps your relationship with your spouse. As you participate fully in the pregnancy, you will learn more about her as a person and her experience as a mother and woman. Your interest in the child stimulates your sense of care, concern and love between you and your spouse.

All this is a good basis for your future relationship with your child. As you interact with the unborn baby you will find it easier to handle the baby when it is born. Your sense of connection with your child becomes stronger, as will your understanding of the child’s needs, feelings and so on. This will give the child a solid sense of attachment with you as well, which is very important for the growing child.

A dad’s new baby needs him right from the start! Being involved in the life of your newborn helps the child develop, learn and grow. On average, children who are raised with involved, responsible and committed fathers do better in school, make friends more easily and are more self-confident than kids who aren’t connected with their father. The benefits are clear.