I would like to thank Sepp Blatter for clearing up the whole ‘England are fuming about not being awarded the 2018 World Cup’ thing.

There was me thinking the anger had something to do with potential corruption in the voting process or with the voters turning their backs on England to punish the country for having a free press. Or the fact that the whole thing was stitched up months ago.

Apparently, however, I was very wrong. It is purely and simply that England are unable to take defeat graciously.

“I was surprised by all the English complaining after the defeat. England, of all people, the motherland of fair play ideas. Now some of them are showing themselves to be bad losers,” Blatter told a Swiss magazine last week.

Well, sorry Blatter, but I have news for you. England are actually very good losers when it comes to sport in general and football in particular. They have had immense experience of it both on and off the field of play. Losing is almost a national hobby.

The reality is, however, that as a nation they are used to losing fairly and squarely, not through some obscure voting process carried out by secretive men with a variety of potential hidden agendas.

Many of the people who promised England their vote ended up voting for other countries when push came to shove, and to my mind there are only three potential reasons for this.

Firstly, they had decided to vote for England but were persuaded not to at the very last moment by something, someone or some money. Secondly, they took out their anger on the English media – who had the temerity to question Fifa’s integrity – by snubbing England en masse.

Or thirdly, and personally I think this is the more likely, they always intended to give the 2018 World Cup to Russia to continue Blatter’s misguided policy of spreading sport’s biggest tournament to the four corners of the globe.

It’s a nice thought, of course, but this is football, not religion. We don’t need Fifa to be some sort of sporting missionary trying to convert countries to football. If they prefer baseball, cricket, or chucking acorns at a stuffed squirrel, let them get on with it.

If, as I believe, Russia was the preferred venue from the off, then why let the other countries waste time, money and personal heartache bidding for the contest? Why not come clean and say you are only going to consider bids from countries that have not staged the event before?

I don’t think anyone who supported England’s bid, myself included, begrudge Russia their first World Cup. Yes, the country has issues which need dealing with – hooliganism being one of the more obvious ones – but they do have a culture of football, and eastern Europe is long overdue a tournament.

But why let the others waste their time if that was always the plan? Of course, if it wasn’t the plan, then that leads me back to the other, more unsavoury reasons for England’s humiliating defeat: corruption or retaliation.

Whatever the reasons behind Fifa’s decision, the reality remains that when those 22 (let’s not forget two of them were suspended for corruption at the time of the vote) sat down to take their decision, the playing field wasn’t level. England didn’t stand a chance of victory.

And that, Mr Blatter, is why England are angry and bewildered. It’s not about being bad at losing, it’s about being furious at never having had a real chance of winning.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, Fifa needs to completely overhaul it’s voting process to make sure this sort of debacle doesn’t happen again in the future.

Ideally, the vote would be opened to all member associations of Fifa, making sure that too much power is not left in the hands of too few people. Failing that, however, then at the very least the criteria of who is going to get the tournaments should be laid out clearly before countries decide to bid.

Set aside a tournament for eastern Europe, one for Asia, one for previous hosts, one for countries that have nothing going for them other than bags of money (yes I’m talking to you, Qatar). At least be honest about your bias.

Sadly, I’m not sure a man who was once, according to Wikipedia, president of the World Society of Friends of Suspenders (an organisation aimed at persuading women to wear stockings rather than switch to tights) is the sort of person you can depend on to campaign for change…

A football club in search of a crisis

Last week’s events at not-happy-unless-we-are-in-crisis Newcastle United are final confirmation that the club’s owner Mike Ashley and the plot have gone their separate ways.

Replacing Chris Hughton with Alan Pardew is without doubt one of the worst, least appropriate, unjust and mind-boggling decisions in the history of the Premier League.

After turning the once proud club into a laughing stock with his mindless tinkering, Ashley looked like he might be getting back on track and starting to learn what it means to own one of England’s biggest football clubs.

But apparently the period of success and stability was little more than a lull in the man’s insatiable quest for disaster.

Hughton was appointed last season and promptly got the club promoted as champions, effectively tidying up some of the mess Ashley had made.

This season has been up and down, but the club still found itself in a mid-table position in the Premiership that could be built on. So why fire the man? Why get rid of someone who was doing a good job on a limited budget? It beggars belief.

“We need someone with more experience,” Ashley and his fellow directors cried, from the comfort of their padded boardroom.

So they turned to Pardew, the man who nearly relegated two teams in a single season, eventually having to settle for just taking Charlton Athletic down.

The fans are in uproar. For once, they were happy with the man they had in charge, and he had their full support. In contrast, a newspaper survey has shown less than one per cent of the Toon Army want Pardew in the hotseat.

It very much seems like Ashley is simply not content unless he manages to find some controversy and unrest to steer the club towards. The man is a muppet.

Although Pardew is not to blame for the current situation, he is still going to have one hell of a job on his hands to win over the fans or even the players, who were all behind Hughton and have reacted with utter shock.

Seven days ago I would have predicted a nice, safe, middle-of-the-table finish for Newcastle. Now I wouldn’t be surprised if this self-imposed debacle pushes them towards the relegation fight.

The inherent masochist in Ashley should love that.

Your say

“Jose Mourinho has exposed, ridiculed in fact, the inefficiency of the current disciplinary system in football. The penalty for any misdemeanour by the players should be applicable there and then, on the football pitch in the same match.

“A yellow card should earn players a temporary dismissal from the pitch for 10 minutes, while a second yellow card would mean permanent expulsion from the match. That would certainly make everyone involved behave better.

At present, it’s worthwhile to have all 11 players behave like savages (Holland-style in the World Cup final), and all you get is a collection of useless yellow cards. How’s that for fair play?

“Unless you’ve done something really bad – which should earn you instant dismissal – once you have paid your penalty there and then you start afresh, without having Damocles’ swords hanging over players’ heads in subsequent matches.

“With the current system we could easily have, say, Lionel Messi miss a Champions League final due to a capricious, and possibly mistaken, referee flashing a yellow card (and some of them do seem to get a kick out of showing off these cards).

“With immediate 10-minute dismissals for yellow cards, suspensions would only be necessary in cases of excessive violence or misbehaviour.

“There’s another consideration. Unless they explicitly admit it, you can only suspect but never prove that Xabi Alonso and Sergio Ramos picked up their red cards on purpose, and it’s a principle of fair trial that you cannot sanction someone simply on suspicion, without conclusive proof.” Tonio Privitelli, e-mail.

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com