On a Sunday evening, Vittoriosa is surprisingly quiet but nevertheless charming.
As I walk through the narrow paths with my guest, a young man sitting on a stool outside Bellini Wine Bar smiles shyly and motions us inside in a heavy Italian accent. “Yez… kome in!” Though Bellini is not our initial destination, I decide to take the plunge and accept the offer to “Kome in”. I am all revved up for adventure and certainly hope my guest is up for it. Jes Sciberras – dancer/choreographer/presenter/masseur by night and articulate banker by day – seems ready for a Bellini experience and follows me inside without much ado. And then it happens!
The tall man, who is busy lighting up some candles with his back to us, turns suddenly, loses balance, and falls down the stairs. He quickly finds his ground and propels himself up to greet us, as if this were the most casual thing to do. We later discover he is the proud owner of the wine bar, which has only opened in the recent months. Bellini is a rather small wine bar, but once you find yourself upstairs you will realise it is not as claustrophobic as you would imagine it to be.
The high ceiling gives a sense of space in a room that is dominated by over 20 lanterns in imperfect symmetry, and shows off original Maltese tiles on which five wooden tables are set. A stone wall, at the far end of the room, has been craftily designed to create a private area with four tables, and is the perfect solution for those looking for a more intimate spot. We both think that a nice painting would have fired up the interior – but perhaps the Italian owners are still looking for an artist. What they lack in art they certainly do not lack in manners.
Both of them are extremely polite, and L’italiano number 1 comes over with the menu once we are seated. While the wine selection is not over-the-top, it is just okay and decently priced. I ask Jes to choose the wine, while I avidly target the food menu which desperately needs a graphic artist to make it look more attractive. Jes first chooses a Chileno Chardonnay, but after a few minutes L’italiano number 1 is back to tell us that it has finished and instead suggests a fruity Sicilian wine – Cattarrato Insolia.
He very kindly offers it to us for the same price. We take his offer, and I order a Sicilian platter to go with it. I ask if it comes with bread and L’italiano number 1 tells me that everything can be arranged for us without any problem. He then disappears downstairs to pass on our order to L’italiano number 2.
Both Jes and I have opinions to burn about the ambience but agree that this is a lovely place, and it is a great pity that not many people know about it. I decide to focus my attention on my guest. We all know Jes Sciberras as a dancer and choreographer, but perhaps few people know that he also teaches Pilates (which seems to be the new “in” thing nowadays), and a certified masseur.
So my first question is nothing short of a tricky conundrum. I want to know which Maltese personality he would gladly give a full body massage and who not… Oooouch! I can tell he does not like the sound of that, but I’m not going to give up so easily on this one. I calculate this will be my entertainment while I await the Sicilian platter and the Cattarrato Insolia.
By the time L’italiano number 1 shows up with the wine cooler and the wine, Jes is still deliberating his answer. L’italiano pours the wine for us to try out, and somehow I can feel that he feels he is being tested. He smiles nervously and waits for our approval like Theodore Bundy must have waited for his death sentence. Is that a bead of sweat on his forehead? No! Just my sick imagination!
“Buono!” Jes, says boldly, throwing in some Italian flavour. Our glasses are then filled with the fresh and fruity Sicilian wine, and the sunshine and colours of Sicily are mixed harmoniously with the scent of the French wood barrels. It has a nice golden colour that urges you to go ahead and drink it. Once the toasts are over I tell Jes I am still waiting for an answer.
Finally, he says he would gladly give Peppi Azzopardi the full body massage, and he would not give a massage to Alan Montanaro… cause Alan would simply not fit on his couch! We chat along for a while discussing the three L’s of life… life, love and lust … and at that precise moment an older lady and her toy-boy (we assume) climbs up the staircase and swirls around in a Balenciaga cape in search of a cosy table for two. Toy-boy follows like a faithful Maltese terrier.
We exchange mischievous grins and continue our philosophic trip of buddy-buddy talk for a while.
L’italiano number 2 brings over our Sicilian platter and I have to say that it is strikingly beautiful and well presented. My eyes drool over the perfect presentation of sun dried tomatoes, salami, mortadella, olives, and three different cheeses complete with a bunch of grapes in the centre for added gusto (and later I realise how handy they are once I taste the spicy salami). The artichokes must have been replaced by more quality cheeses, as I fail to see them, but I don’t really care.
Everything looks absolutely delicious. Oh! And a large basket of semi-toasted Maltese bread is also included with this €15 platter. We complement the owner for the presentation, and have a little chat in Italian about this and that. Nothing that would get Professor Edward DeBono overly excited if you know what I mean, but it is really nice when the owner takes time to talk to his guests without imposing on their time. The food is good and abundant. We wolf down the selection of salamis and cheeses, and when we hit the really spicy piece of salami we both find comfort in the juicy grapes that have been thoughtfully placed in the platter. To sum it all up, I think that Bellini is worth investigating. It’s a place I would not mind going back to at all.
The ambience is nice, though I feel it needs a designer’s touch to make the most of its underlying potential, and L’italiano 1 & 2 are very efficient. They are also very polite. We are there till late, and not once do they make us feel that we have to leave, as it can very easily happen when you go to some hangouts here in Malta. While the wine service might not be that of a top notch sommelier, it’s good, and you can’t help but feel comfortable and okay with everything. Music ranges from Eros to Westlife with a complete detour to Strauss! And in total we pay €30 for the wine and platter. Hmmmm… yes, I know! You’re waiting for my toilet review, right?
Well, what can I say? It’s extremely basic, but clean and serves the purpose. If you are asthmatic make sure to carry your inhaler with you… because it’s so small Peter Pan might have a problem stretching his arms. On the way out I have one last question for Jes.
If he had to cast our two major politicians – Lawrence Gonzi and Joseph Muscat – in a popular Broadway show, which one would it be, and which characters would he cast them as? This time he is quick. “Chicago! And they’d be Velma Kelly and Roxy Hart!” Now, who’s Velma and who’s Roxy?
That’s the puzzle for you to solve this weekend!
privateye@timesofmalta.com