The discussion about divorce is in full flight, especially since the political parties have expressed their thoughts on the subject. More often than not we discuss the effect of this phenomenon but not the cause, as if we cannot or do not care to seek a solution! We ask for reprieve for the thousands who are in limbo; of course we must help them. But as a responsible society we have a moral commitment to seek a solution to this social crisis to avoid further heartbreak and unnecessary hardship.
Separation and divorce statistics 1985-2005 (divorce in brackets):
1980-1985: 2,200 (630); marriages: 16,197. Separation/divorce to marriage = 17.5 per cent
1986-1995: 4,120 (978); marriages: 22,447. Separation/divorce to marriage = 22.7 per cent.
1996-2005: 10,593 (2,309); marriages: 23,674. Separation/divorce to marriage = 54.5 per cent
During the last decade an equivalent of one in two marriages has ended in separation or divorce. Since 1980 the separation/divorce rate has increased by 310 per cent! In the EU15 the divorce average is 37.3 per cent of total marriages.
Is there a difference between marriage today and 25 years ago? The vows are the same, the honeymoon might be better but after that, the difference is apparent although the reasons might be obscure.
In the last 25 years it is the lifestyle that has changed. Moral relativism is gaining ground under the guise of open-mindedness. Maybe this is due to a materialistic philosophy; the value of property has increased beyond most pay packets. The women have joined the men at the workplace. Leisure habits have changed, drugs are more common, alcohol consumption starts at the age of 12, partying goes on till the early hours, weekends are for binge drinking, and the single's lifestyle is retained after marriage.
Married couples are seeing less and less of each other, because one or both partners are spending more time at work or at leisure and less with each other and the kids. They are more intimate with their friends than with their spouse. This new culture is the cause of the many reasons for divorce: infidelity, domestic violence, control, finances, parenting, midlife crisis, the internet and the mutual agreement that materialistic attainment will preclude all other obligations.
What is the purpose of listening to the woes of the world every Sunday for 10 minutes? Does it make a difference?
It would not be a surprise if some of those present have the luxury of a proxy conscience as a stand-in for 45 minutes!
It is an understatement to say that the Church's position is irrevocable regarding divorce. On the other hand the annulment process is lengthy, painful and costly. The Church would alleviate the burden if the process were more accessible and less time consuming. Is the current marriage counselling adequate for today's realities? Should post-marital counselling supplement the marriage preparation programme?
The government has to stop side stepping the housing issue, under the guise of the free market. The house mortgage and insurance cost is between 33 and 45 per cent of the average net earnings of a working couple. This is the cause of untold hardship for thousands of married couples. To be fair, both the Church and the government have contributed to easing this problem but as statistics indicate the problem is becoming more acute.
As parents we must be proactive with regard to the well-being of our offspring. Without being biased, we must do our utmost to sustain the children's marriage, especially when it is in crisis. We are responsible for the future of the next generation. The kids from broken marriages are not accountable for this phenomenon; they are the victims.