The way teens date and fall in love today may have changed due to technology and social media, but it is still as popular as ever. Edward Curmi consoles worried parents that the positives far outweigh the negatives in these uncomfortable scenarios.

Most parents cringe at the thought of their teen dating or falling head over heels in love with another teen. However, teen love is a natural process and that moment when adolescents seek new romantic relationships with someone other than the unconditional love and bond of their parents.

This is a healthy transition in their identity, especially if done in a moderate and responsible way, as it may enhance their development and maturity.

Has teen love changed with the new generation? 

The adult population are often questioning whether today’s teenagers are falling in love in the same way as they did. We are aware that adolescents today are making more use of social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram to boast their romantic teen love successes or failures. Also, it is still too early to understand the real long-term effects on teen love of more availability of pornography, sexting and using specific apps to have casual sex encounters.

What we are certain is that teen love is just as popular – if not more – as it used to be for past teenagers. Today’s adolescents still have a strong need to fall in love and share tender moments in their teenage years.

What is the right age to start dating?

Most parents often ask what the right age for their children to start dating is. Research studies are indicating that in most developing countries, teen dating commences for a small percentage around the age of 13; by the age of 16, most adolescents have had at least one short-term romantic relationship, while by the time they reach 18, they are likely to be in a strong relationship that can easily last up to six months.

What do we know about teen dating?

Most parents are curious to understand exactly what teen love means to their adolescent children.

Well, many feel they should try it out or else feel emarginated or like outcasts when they compare themselves to their peers. But of course, there is nothing wrong if adolescents choose not to be interested in romantic relationships in their early teens.

Teen love is usually perceived by experts in the field as a series of events that progress steadily from an innocent love to an intimate relationship. Usually, it all starts with an intense sharing of ideas and getting to know one another. Many hours are often spent chatting away and getting to know one another. More often than not, this love progresses to rituals such as kissing and holding hands as two persons become an item.

As teens grow up, their need to try new relationships increases and so does their sexual appetite. Progressively, the exchange of messages and content of their conversations deepens and becomes more sexual. By the time they reach 18, most teens have experienced some form of sexual contact or sexual intercourse and relationships start to become more of a commitment. The type of love seems more lasting than a fling, and as it progresses, most youths start seriously considering living forever with their partner.

What we definitely know is that teen love is an emotional roller-coaster ride made of ups and downs. It has the power to build emotional intelligence and is the perfect time for an adolescent to learn a thing or two about life. On the one hand, euphoric moments are experienced as the teenager feels a strong boost of self-confidence when managing to conquer the person they are attracted to, while on the other, a strong sense of loss and inferiority may occur as heartache kicks in.

From a biological perspective, throughout the years of teen love, so much change is going on as the body and mind are developing at an incredible rate. This is a time when growth spurts, sexual organs and hormones are changing constantly. Most adolescents feel physically and socially awkward as all these changes are not necessarily happening in a congruent way.

Studying the brain scans of a youth, it is evident that the prefrontal cortex, the area related to judgement, decision making and temptation, is not fully developed. Such a phenomenon can result in more impulsive behaviour and loss of inhibitions, which can spell disaster when it comes to relationships.

Hormones in adolescents is another ball game, where testosterone in males and oestrogen in females increase drastically in the blood stream. These increases may often result in a strong desire for aggression and impulsiveness, which can often create a number of confusing thoughts about wanting to be ‘in’ or ‘out’ of love.

One very interesting study by Ortigue [2010] shows that 12 areas in the brain are working at the same time when an adolescent falls in love, and this can often lead to a burst of chemicals such as serotonin, dopamine and adrenaline.

All these biological changes may often complicate the life of adolescents as they progress through their teen relationships. They may also lead to terrible mood swings and low moods, with possible changes in behaviour that may make romantic teen love more complex to understand.

However, it is not all bad. Most adults will describe their teen love days as the best days of their life. In fact, research clearly indicates that when teens fall in love, they seem to get less but better-quality sleep. They feel they can concentrate more and feel more alive and energetic.

Romantic teen dating helps them to grow psychologically as they learn more about themselves and others. It gives them experience about mate selection and the chance to take risks and new challenges in their life.

The positives definitely outweigh the negatives, and as development psychologist Erik Erikson [1968] once stated: teen love is an essential ingredient to identity formation and development.

So, if you are one of those parents panicking about your son or daughter’s teen dating, buckle up as it is going to be a bumpy ride, but try to focus on all the positive changes that are about to happen. After all, love makes the world go around.

Edward Curmi is a registered clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and author of the book Common Sense: a Better Understanding of Emotional Well-being, and its sequel More Common Sense: a Better Understanding of Emotional Well-being, available from Agenda Bookshops.

This article first appeared in Pink magazine.