Only a handful of abused men come forward with their story and those who do are generally very scared and convinced they would not be believed, according to the service coordinator of Victim Support Malta.

“The stereotype that a man can never be a victim is very strong. Unfortunately, this stereotype is prevalent across society and among people of different backgrounds, including professionals,” Karl Grech has told The Sunday Times of Malta.

“The other day I was speaking to a male victim who was finding it really hard to speak up as he was afraid that, being a man, no one would believe him. It is trickier for male victims as they tend to suffer emotional and psychological abuse, and there is no physical evidence to back up their claims.”

Mr Grech acknowledges that there are more male than female perpetrators. This is backed up by research which shows the vast majority of victims are women. However, male victims cannot be forgotten, he insists.

Mr Grech’s work with VSM puts him on the frontline – he is the first one to meet male and female victims, understand what kind of support they require, including counselling, and help refer them to other professional services within the community when necessary.

“We understand that anyone can be a victim. We know that in today’s society, irrespective of gender and socioeconomic or educational background, everyone is at risk of becoming a victim of any kind of abuse, not just domestic violence but also theft and sexual assault. There are all kinds of abuse on men, all with differing social status, but no one speaks about it.”

Read: 'As soon as we were indoors, the abuse would start rolling off her tongue'

Karl Grech, Victim Support Malta’s service coordinator: “We know that in today’s society, irrespective of gender and socioeconomic or educational background, everyone is at risk of becoming a victim of any kind of abuse”. Photo: Mark Zammit Cordina

Victim Support Malta reaches out to all genders, taking a victim-centred approach: “We focus on the clients’ issues, and not their gender.”

Asked about the realities of male victims of abuse, Mr Grech said most of them remain in the abusive relationship as they have nowhere else to go.

Nowhere to go

There is no domestic violence shelter for male victims and leaving home is an even harder step to take for abused fathers, even when they are financially independent.

One of Mr Grech’s first clients had full-time and part-time jobs but felt he could not leave the relationship as he was unsure of what would happen to his children if he did. He felt there was no way out.

Read: 'My son was used as ammunition against me'

Another stumbling block for men seeking support is being believed. This includes victim-blaming, in that the service providers challenge the alleged victim on what caused the abuse. A frequent question would be: “What did you do to cause this reaction from the alleged perpetrator?”

On other occasions, abuse against men is minimised, so several male victims do not feel that justice is served.

“The feedback we receive is that men feel marginalised by entities, agencies and organisations. This often leads to an increased sense of helplessness among men who feel that the system is working against them, so they drop any legal case in order to have peace of mind.”

Those who would like to reach out to Victim Support Malta can do so on info@victimsupport.org.mt or 2122 8333.

I missed his first ‘papa’ and his first steps

Peter* had full custody of his son, a stable job and a healthy relationship. That is, until his estranged wife suddenly reappeared in his life.

 More than 10 years since their divorce, she filed a police report claiming domestic violence – and that is when his life started to unravel.

Despite having had custody confirmed in court following their divorce, the decision was eventually overturned and he has not seen his son for more than a decade.

Having his son taken away from him was a huge blow to Peter but the abuse did not stop there, he told this newspaper.

He recounted that while he was being accused in court of assaulting and threatening his son and former wife, it transpired that his estranged wife was piling pressure on his employer to relieve him of his high-level responsibilities. Consequently, his pay was slashed by half and eventually he received the equivalent of a minimum wage, he said.

He was only recently acquitted of nearly all accusations. In the meantime he lived in “constant shock”, Peter said, leafing through a pile of official documents.

Blows were coming from all sides: “It felt like I had lost my son, my career and my sanity overnight.”

The stress eventually weighed down on his current relationship: “The ongoing accusations about my son and former wife tarnished my reputation. One word from my second son’s mother turned all the guns on me. I was suddenly allowed only one hour supervised access, but that meant I missed his first ‘papa’ and his first steps.”

Peter believes that when it comes to some professionals, there seems to be a one-size fits all.

“I was not believed by some of the professionals and felt that not even the law protected me. I often questioned how my former partners loved my sons when they were not allowing them to bond with their father.”

Having brought up his first son on his own for around seven years, parting with him has scarred him for life and he feels “too broken and tired” to reach out to him again.

He has meanwhile been reconciled with his second son, but as things stand he believes that the open cases and appeals, which are being constantly delayed, will only be settled with his death.

*Not his real name.