When Sharon Cusens, a divorced mother of three – Janine, 18, Mark, 17, and Elisa, 14 – finally decided that her marriage was over, she dreaded having to tell her children and had to find a way how to give them the courage needed to face the situation better.
Having always been very creative, the idea to write A Universal Language, a story of courage and hope, came naturally to her. With the help of her children, who created some of the cartoon characters in the book, the whole experience turned into a beautiful and beneficial soul-searching exercise.
“This is an easy, fun and innovative approach to helping children and parents become their own coach,” said Cusens, who drew on her expertise in psychology and change management.
A self-awareness illustration, the aim of Cusens’ first book The Language of the Soul is to motivate readers to apply what they leaf through to their daily life, bringing about positive change.
“Separation and divorce can have a devastating impact on both parents and their children,” says the 48-year-old, who has lived abroad half her life and got divorced in 2014.
She is the founder of Spring Coaching and runs various coaching programmes in Spring’s Academy for Inner Excellence.
With four to five separations being registered in Malta every day, and divorce rates on the rise in Europe, more families are finding themselves in the painful situation of having to deal with this difficult time in their lives.
Be the example for your kids. Give them empathy and show them the right direction
“The trauma of divorce was there, it didn’t change; I stopped playing the blaming game and became the change myself, to be able to overcome this experience. Right after my divorce, I started doing things that made me feel good and concentrated on supporting and helping my children move forward,” says Cusens.
The more she focused on empowering her children, the faster she healed. “It’s like when you throw a stone in the water and you see several ripples start.”
The first book in the A Universal Language series.Cusens says being a confident, courageous and positive parent is crucial for your children. However, allowing them to see tears also helps, as this “gives your children the space to cry and let out their frustration, which is part of their healing”.
“Be the example for your kids. Give them empathy and show them the right direction by allowing them to express their pain through their passions and talents,” she explains.
Cusens’ children healed as they therapeutically joined their mother’s project, namely preparing a book and film.
“My kids had a purpose for their suffering; they would first learn how to overcome their trauma and then help other parents and kids going through the same experience. This helped them understand that they weren’t alone. The connection to their talents also helped them discover the artists within them,” says Cusens, who now lives and works in Malta.
“My children’s art had strong messages – on how to move forward and heal. I started documenting all their work and encouraged them to keep creating. They in turn inspired me to move on with my book. Anyone can follow the same life philosophy and cope better. We really want to tell our story and pass these skills to others in order to show them that there is a way out of this emotional storm.”
Is there enough help in Malta for parents and children going through the trauma of separation or divorce?
Cusens is convinced that schools should be involved more.
“I think we have not been prepared to cope with such emotional rough seas and we require faster and more efficient methods of support. Employers should also show more support by investing in empowerment programmes for their employees and pick them up in troubled times. People forget a lot of things but they will never forget how you make them feel.”
Asked if the pains of a separation or divorce ever heal, Cusens says that “one day we can learn to be happy that the worst thing we thought happened to us actually becomes the best thing that ever happened to us”.
A Universal Language: The Language of the Soul, the first of a three-book series to be completed, is currently in a crowdfunding campaign on Zaar, with the aim of collecting €3,000 to help with the financing of getting the book published. Those interested in helping the project get off the ground can contribute as little as €5, get copies of the book at a discount or get the book and a cartoon card game at a special package price. Join the project at http://www.zaar.com.mt//projects/a-universal-language/.