People always like telling you how busy they are, and frequently ask whether you are. Busyness has replaced even the weather as the small talk of the moment. People are constantly trying to size you up, no longer enquiring after your health but wanting to know how busy you are.
So perhaps busyness (or even perceived busyness) has become today’s way of gauging success and importance. Society certainly attaches great value to working round the clock and being burnt out. If you’re not overworked and have little to do, if you’re not constantly checking and ticking off to-do lists, if your days aren’t tightly packed and you actually have time to read books (in lieu of speed-reading them), if your social calendar isn’t choc-a-bloc and you are only enjoying the blessings of leisure, then you really can’t be that successful.
‘Busy?’ There’s something intrusive about that loaded one-word question. It grates on me like nobody’s business (busyness?), and I always reply in the negative. Then I sit back and watch the reaction.
Usually it’s the sort of shock that kills conversation. You’re viewed with suspicion, or worse still, people feel embarrassed for you, as if they’ve stumbled on some dark family secret of yours. Others laugh dismissively, pretending they haven’t heard or believed you. Even bogus busyness is preferable. As Peter Drucker put it: “There is nothing quite as useless as doing with great efficiency something that should not be done at all.”
The truth, of course, is that it’s impossible not to be busy. Even if you limit yourself to running a household and to life’s mundane tasks – shopping, laundry, loading and unloading the dishwasher, sorting and transporting rubbish – your morning and possibly a good part of your afternoon have vanished in smoke.
And notice, I haven’t even factored in the C words of cooking, cleaning and children, not to mention the ‘one-offs’ of dental care, medical and hair appointments, car service, watering plants, constitutional walks and family visiting.
All this makes one wonder how people actually find the time to hold down the ‘real’ jobs that actually earn you money. This, of course, is the ‘busyness’ that interests most people. The other domestic kind isn’t really rated, and yet the busiest among us are those who work full-time and also run a family and household. Traditionally a female role.
I have never understood the allure of extreme busyness; of working, say, a 50-hour-plus week and living on auto-pilot. But I know that for many, the hamster-wheel of professional life comes naturally, perhaps inevitably.
‘Busy?’ There’s something intrusive about that loaded one word-question
Some people, it is true, are worked hard by the system or by their superiors; but others need to be busy (and also to feel so). They wear their ‘busyness’ like armour, perhaps to lend their daily lives ‘purpose’ or to stave off loneliness.
I know people who plan their every waking moment: where even the thought of a lazy Saturday or Sunday with absolutely nothing to do (and all day to do it) would bring about a sort of existential despair.
But I’m the complete opposite. For me, the perfect weekend is one where I have no plans whatsoever. And nowadays I even try to free up my weekdays too – as far as that is possible.
Do you know, I actually spent all of last week in bed and watched a Turkish TV series from start to finish? That, I hasten to add, was because I was down with a fever. But it still went down a treat. And I didn’t even have to feel guilty.
The curious part is that, in all likelihood, had I not been unwell, I’d never have allowed myself the luxury (and I’d have felt like an abject failure if I’d given in). It’s significant that even a person like me – reluctant as I am to slave on the treadmill of life – still finds backsliding of this kind decadent and almost shameful. Whereas a week snowed under, with work coming at me from all directions, would probably cause an equal and opposite reaction – an almost euphoric sense of accomplishment.
Why is it that constant exhaustion makes you feel good, while taking it easy makes you feel lousy? Because even I experience guilt at the mere thought of professional surrender. And yet I’ve never bought into the corporate culture of long hours or proudly announced my busyness in ‘out of office’ e-mails (why do I have to justify my absence?).
In fact, I’m a firm believer in John Maynard Keynes’ prediction that a 15-hour (make that 25?) working week is perfectly possible and far more civilised. It was what we were once promised.
Can we really have it all – a terrific job and a family and a life of private fulfilment? Can we balance all? At the risk of being the bearer of bad news, I don’t think so. Not unless you have a hands-on partner, a nanny, or plenty of support. And even then, the eternal battle between work and family, and the deep-seated guilt that cuts both ways, would still be there.
The only thing that really works is the realisation that you don’t have to be busy: there is always an option to free up your time, even if the price you pay is moderating your ambitions and reducing your bank balance.
As the year draws to an end and as we prepare for our New Year resolutions, think about what your priorities really are – and choose what is right for you. Put yourself – your true self – first for a change.
Success is sometimes the opposite of busy. It’s about making the most of those beautiful gaps and empty spaces that make life wonderful. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
michelaspiteri@gmail.com
This is a Times of Malta print opinion piece