A contributor marvels at the Maltese for being “nasty and poisonous towards each other and also towards foreigners”. I think he is quite right. As with every other country, the first characteristic they trumpet is perversely the characteristic they lack the most.

With the Maltese, it is hospitality that tops the list of our ‘feted’ qualities, which is, to put it kindly, a gross misrepresentation because the Maltese are perhaps the most spiteful, calculating, backstabbing, cunning, selfish and ungrateful (in short, political) people in all of Europe.

Go online and witness how they treat any consumer who recounts a bad experience or product. No matter how thorough and valid the criticism, the average Maltese will go out of his way to inform you that since the same problem has not happened to himself, your complaint must be invalid. As any perceptive foreigner will soon find out, the single, most important mantra in a Maltese person’s life is: “I’m ok, so .... you Joe.”

Lord Byron accurately described the Maltese as “a bunch of fools who ape their betters”. The average Maltese will contradict you for sport; not because you are wrong but simply to stand in your way. If you need more proof of this, notice how the Maltese will always defend the indefensible: the child molester, the rapist, the litterbug, the burglar, the lessee in arrears and the murderer but never their country’s mores, culture and traditions because this is no longer the ‘politically correct’ thing to do.

The typical Maltese person is a glutton who will gorge on whatever is free, even if he has no need for it. He will never give way in traffic, yet, complain about incivility on our roads. He will tip poorly in restaurants and he will always graciously ‘pray’ for you when something goes wrong in your life, which is shorthand for ‘wanting the best for you as long as it takes no effort on his behalf’.

Unless someone kills a kitten, of course, in which case he will be signing online petitions asking for heads to roll.

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