As a result of our country’s enlightened economic strategy, many novelists are turning to Malta as a setting for their heart-racing thrillers. What follows is therefore advice to budding bestselling writers on how to make the most of our country’s potential. For novelists, reinterpreting a classic for our times is always a temptation. But what classic to pick?

No prizes for guessing that Graham Greene’s The Third Man will be a favourite with the avid international public of the Daphne Project. Leo Tolstoy’s The Forged Coupon is less well known, associated more with Robert Bresson’s arthouse cinematic adaptation, L’Argent (Money) – but you might do better than expected if you casually remark, to an interviewer, that Argent is an anagram for Egrant.

If you would rather steer clear of anything political, then obviously keep well away from Proust’s In Search of Lost Time, Musil’s The Man Without Qualities, and Dostoevsky’s The Idiot, as well as his Notes From the Underground. A closed PN Facebook group might take it personally. Crime and Punishment will sound jollier.

Evelyn Waugh is a novelist whose work deserves adaptation. An account of the Labour Party’s relationship with the international press could draw on not one but two of Waugh’s great satires: Scoop, and Put Out More Flags.

New ideas need not come only from classic novels. It is always possible to novelise films. Where better to start than from last year’s top 10 grossing movies? Who knows, you might link up your novelisation to a new film project.

Be wary of adapting Wonder Woman as a biopic of Daphne Caruana Galizia – a vocal section of the country would rather that biopic is based on Despicable Me. Or even It.

However, no suspicion or hassle would be forthcoming if you go for an extension of the latest installment of Pirates of the Caribbean (Dead Men Tell No Tales).

For variety, call it Pirates of the Mediterranean: Dead Women Tell No Tales. You will be much encouraged by the current administration, the most feminist in history, and offered every help possible.

The Justice League sounds unpromising. What connection is there with Malta? But there could be something in the Fate of the Furious, a thriller about online Facebook debate and trolls.

The mention of trolls easily leads to thoughts of the Hobbit. Tackling this fantasy masterpiece is tricky but if there is a country, apart from New Zealand, which could work as a setting for a rewriting of Lord of the Rings (the film adaptation) it would surely have to be Malta.

The Two Towers might be difficult to set in a country with such a low skyline. Fear not. Soon we will have so many towers that you’ll be embarrassed by our riches

I see this novel as sprawling all the way from the heart of the Mediterranean towards the farther reaches of the Greater Middle East (say, Afghanistan) and the Far East (say, China). Just as the late great Sergio Leone adapted the spaghetti western genre for a gangster movie (Once Upon A Time in America), you could do something similar here too.

A group of three intrepid heroes (accompanied by an elf – Figwit, in the original) set off to a far country in order to save the health of their own. Unfortunately, complications happen that throw a dastardly light on their intentions – partly caused by an accountant who completely misunderstood their intentions and put it all down  in writing, in garbled form.

The first film should be easy to cast. Locations should be no problems, either. You might think the second film, The Two Towers, might be difficult to set in a country with such a low skyline. Fear not. Soon we will have so many towers that you’ll be embarrassed by our riches.

There are admittedly two difficulties that might be encountered. One is that people will mistake it for a realist film, not fantasy.

Here, you must make it clear that any reference to real people is purely coincidental. Still, you must be careful with what character names from the original you retain. There should be no problems, for example, with Merry Brandybuck or Shagrat, as long as you don’t set the scenes in a hotel room or a spa.

The other difficulty is with proprietary rights. It’s a huge money-making franchise and you might not be able to get in on the game. Obviously, you’ll need to make clever changes. Take Frodo. He was short with big blue eyes in the original. Write of him as tall with big blue eyes in your novel. Whatever else you do, don’t call him Frodo. Avoid Fredo, as given your chosen gangster genre, he could be mixed up with the weakest link in the Corleone family.

Here’s my tuppence worth of advice. Go for French spelling. Try Fraudo.

As for the title, this is a tricky one. How to approach yet avoid Lord of the Rings?

Lord of the Jinx could be a try. After all, in your novelisation, Fraudo suffers needlessly and incessantly from the constant mistakes of his accountant (who makes the Italian comic bookkeeper, Fantozzi, look like a genius).

Or you could go for a complete surprise, suggesting much but saying nothing.

Say, Lord of the Finks.

ranierfsadni@europe.com

This is a Times of Malta print opinion piece