Cicchetti
43, Pjazza Vittorja,
Naxxar
Tel: 2748 4554

Food: 6/10
Service: 7/10
Ambience: 7/10
Value: 6/10
Overall: 6.5/10

We use language quite liberally. When I hear someone saying the word ‘literally’ in every sentence, I know that somewhere on the planet, a kitten dies. Not literally, of course. I feel like saying that if one had ‘literally died of laughter’ the night before, they wouldn’t be so close to my face telling the tale. They would be the first person on the planet to actually die of laughter and that, in itself, would be quite a feat.

Then there are words like ‘exceptional’, that we take to mean really, really good. But when you think about it, we consider something excellent to be exceptional because everything else is pretty average by definition. If I’ve visited an ‘exceptional’ restaurant, for the sake of this argument, then that restaurant rises above what I’ve come to expect of all other restaurants that occupy that humdrum middle ground.

Alas, the average is what most of the population is prepared to pay for. It accounts for a gazillion restaurants that serve relatively large portions of salty food and that many will be quite pleased with. The question every restaurateur surely asks themselves is whether they’d like to please many, many people or whether they’d like to thrill just a few.

I’d be rubbish at taking this decision. I’d be happy with an audience of the only five people on the Islands who like a specific dish and would, as a result, be bankrupt within a month. Literally.

There is a moderately safer path to take. This is the one that leads a restaurant along the tightrope act that balances serving food that most people will like in a way that is remarkable.

There’s another adjective that I’m using in its literal sense – worth remarking about to others. If the food that’s being served will please a large number of people but it is prepared and served in a way that’s actually remarkable, the vertiginous balancing act will have been well worth the peril.

Flirting with average is dangerous though. Stray too far one way, and you’ll alienate the bulk of your audience by turning into a more niche kitchen. Stray the other way and the offering is as boring as boiled chicken breast.

While choosing a restaurant to eat at when I intend writing about it, I refuse to go anywhere close to a restaurant that is evidently boring. If the menu is boring, the place is boring and there is no story to the place, then I’m afraid it will forever slip beneath my radar.

A good name helps. As soon as I heard that there was a restaurant called Cicchetti, the eyebrow that’s linked to my stomach rose sharply and stayed there. Cicchetti are those little nibbles you eat all over the Veneto area, served in bars alongside a tiny glass of wine. They’re what pass for Venetian street food and the variety can be quite interesting. Think of them as Spanish tapas that have collided with ingredients and traditions from the La Serenissima and you’re close.

Cicchetti is also in quite a lovely location, tucked in the shade of the massive stonework of the Naxxar parish church and enjoying a neat strip of pavement that’s been turned into an al fresco terrace. I drove there dreaming of grilled baby cuttlefish, crostini, and those lovely, breaded, polpette. I can eat that sort of cuisine all day if I pace myself. I know because I’ve tried.

Cicchetti are those little nibbles you eat all over the Veneto area

When we arrived, we snagged the last table on the terrace. I did peek inside and was tempted by the really lovely interior but I was overruled. Apparently, winter is coming. We were sat at a table by one of the efficient men who run the terrace. They’re smart, uniformed and equipped with little headsets so they can keep their efficiency purring without ever raising their voices. One word into the microphone and someone, somewhere, knows what’s going on.

The menus were quite a surprise. It’s a bit like Cicchetti wasn’t sure whether it was going to be a Chinese restaurant or an Italian trattoria so it settled for a bit of both. I’m not comfortable using the word ‘Asian’ to refer to this because Asia is one mind-bogglingly large continent and adding Japanese tempura to what’s largely the Western notion of Chinese food doesn’t quite cover a continent.

To be fair to Cicchetti, they call their food ‘International Tapas’ so they can serve practically any food as long as it is in a small portion and be quite safe as a result. We ordered five tapas, a bowl of steamed rice, a glass of wine and a bottle of Japanese beer. We figured we’d order more if we were hungry after that.

Sitting in the centre of a village on a summer night is an experience that remains quite pleasant. No matter how much we curse this godforsaken island for its countless misgivings, there remain isolated moments that are quite hard to beat. True, we’re looking at the side of the church and being used as a roundabout but still, it’s our church and our roundabout.

As I pondered how grand this place would be for a Tinder date, with its humdrum menu and easy exits, our Dim Sum steamer was served. The pork and prawn filling is lively and tasty, with coriander, lemongrass, lime and a hearty chilli kick.

The little dumplings hadn’t been steamed long enough so the dough remained a little raw, needing actual chewing and occasionally sticking to our teeth. It also left the internal temperature hardly above lukewarm and this isn’t quite what you’d expect of the steamed dumpling.

Soon after, two dishes arrived together – the fresh fish tempura and the fried calamari. I’d attempted to cover Chinese, Japanese and Italian food from the menu. The fresh fish tempura turned out to be four chunks of salmon in a rather flat tempura but the dipping sauce was on point. I have to admit I wasn’t terribly stoked to see that the ‘fresh fish’ was salmon.

The calamari rings were a tad chewy but they were perfectly serviceable as calamari rings go. They were served with a spoon of mayonnaise to dip in and I added a little of the chilli sauce at table for interest.

The little tagliata was served rare as we’d requested it, with rucola, cherry tomatoes, grana and balsamic vinegar caviar. I’m guessing they’ve carved a flap steak lengthwise to achieve a slim sliver of meat to make a tapas portion and they’re carefully matching the cooking time so it was a very enjoyable little dish.

The baby back ribs were probably the best dish of the night, served with a sweet and spicy sauce, with lots of fresh ginger, coriander and chilli. The steamed rice was thoughtfully served at this point in the meal and it was the weird moment of the evening.

It was like they’d steamed the rice at some point during the day and then heated it up in an oven so it retained its clumpiness (I’m pretty sure I’ve just made up that word) but was dried to a point of nutty texture. I really wanted to eat the ribs with steamed rice as one would do across Asia but this proved quite a pointless endeavour. I devoured the ribs and left the rice.

We paid €55 for what was a rather average meal. I’m pretty sure the experience is as close to average as one can get. It is like there was an attempt to understand what most people seem to like and the result of research showed Chinese food and Italian food to please the largest number of people.

Package it, present it in a pretty location, and you will statistically win as many clients as you can possible attract. If average is what you’re after, Cicchetti is bang on the money. If you want some excitement, go there on a Tinder date.

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