Dr Edward Curmi explores why human beings are so attracted to adopting a domesticated animal and how they can deal with their loss – a prospect that can put people off getting a pet in the first place, but, in his view, really shouldn’t.

Pets mean the world to most owners and have a deep symbolic representation in their life as they end up becoming part of the family, just like a long-term companion, sibling, or even a child.

Sadly, one of the hardships of adopting a pet is the dreaded thought that, one day soon – most pets typically live an average of 13 years – such a special attachment will come to an end.

The positive side of having a pet

People who do not own a pet may often find it hard to understand the impact it may have on the life of its owner.

But pets have extraordinary qualities and below are a few examples:
Unconditional love: Most pet owners often mention the strong sense of loyalty and companionship that a pet offers them. Their genuine love towards family members is second to none and hard to come by in today’s world.

Ability to read emotions: Another quality of domesticated animals is their ability to read human beings’ emotions. Their ability to mirror the emotions of their master is a reflection of their empathetic skills.

Feel-good factor: There is ample research confirming that petting animals is a great stimulant and can trigger feel-good factor chemicals in the brain, allowing us to feel happier. In fact, many people choose to own a pet because animals can be such good company and a joy to all the family.

Safety and security: A pet may often nurture a feeling of protection and safety in us. Through their strong attachment, commitment and attention, they are able to transmit a sense of security in a home.

Helping to teach children human virtues: Domesticated animals indirectly teach us essential virtues such as the importance of kindness, patience, healthy attachment, a sense of responsibility, apart from playfulness and forgiveness.

These priceless lessons may help us raise our children to be more sensible and sensitive.

Structure: Owning a pet often involves a number of daily chores, which become part of our routine. Walking, feeding, cleaning and grooming are a commitment, but unconsciously, they help us create those daily rituals that are mindful and may support us to slow down throughout our hectic lives.

How to handle the death of a pet

There is no right way to grieve a pet – each and every one of us grieves differently.

Numerous factors may affect how we grieve and these are based on the age of the pet, the bond between the pet and its owner and how it passed away.

A study conducted in 2002 in the Journal of Society and Animals confirmed that the loss of a pet may be as painful as the loss of a human.

Consider the below when dealing with the loss of an animal:

It’s OK to cry: Crying is a healthy part of the bereaving process. When we cry, our body releases tension that has accumulated as a result of the traumatic experience, allowing us to decompress our stress. To experience such pain means that the connection we shared with our pet was genuine.

It’s OK to feel devastated: Bereaving your pet friend will bring about a number of mixed negative feelings, which may range from guilt [not having done enough] to sadness, loneliness and especially anger. These are all common feelings and we need to give ourselves time to digest and accept the loss.

It’s OK to talk to your children about death: Losing a pet may be a good opportunity for a parent to talk to their child about life and death issues. Hopefully, it will be their first experience of bereavement and, together with their family, they can appreciate more the value of life and learn something about the importance of letting go.

It’s OK to repeat rituals: It is common for pet owners to find themselves repeating rituals even after the death of their beloved animal. Denial kicks in as a result of a number of habits that were developed over the years around a pet. Hearing their footsteps, or imagining them waiting for you behind your door are normal occurrences and not signs of losing touch with reality.

Some rituals to help alleviate the pain

• Create a little shrine for your pet.
• Create a ritual as a family to respect the passing of your beloved pet.
• Make a list of some of the best memories you shared together.
• Respect the fact that not everyone will understand the relevance of your loss.
• Give yourself time to bereave and do not try to replace the void straight away with another pet.
• Validate all the good times that you may have offered your pet.
• Take some time to see what life lessons you can learn from your pet friends.

Dott. Edward Curmi is a registered clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and author of the book Common Sense: a Better Understanding of Emotional Well-being, and its sequel More Common Sense: a Better Understanding of Emotional Well-being, available from Agenda Bookshops.

This article first appeared in Pink magazine. Get your copy of Malta's favourite women's magazine with The Sunday Times of Malta.