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What not to get this Christmas

By the time many of you read this, you’ll only have one more sleep before unwrapping what your significant other has given you; hopefully, it’ll be something shiny that isn’t a new frying pan.

Following the very warm reception of last year’s article about what you shouldn’t buy for Christmas, I’ve compiled a new, updated list of things that may have you sleeping on the sofa well into the new year.

Sadly, all these gifts have actually been given to fellow readers over the past year and if you ill-advisedly have one of these wrapped under the tree while you’re reading this, you’re still in time to get something else. Thank me later!

In case anyone was wondering, gifting deodorant and lavatory paper is also rude

Tickets to a football match: Is your significant other a football fan? Does she actually know the names of any of the players on the field? Has she ever shown the slightest inclination to partake in any aspect of the beautiful game? If all the answers to the above are no, then I can’t imagine why you thought that all she wanted for Christmas was to attend an event that is able to hold your attention better than she ever could. Oh and while we are at it, put down the PlayStation that you were going to buy so that you could enjoy ‘couple time’; if she’s never shown any interest in it, she’s not about to start now.

Regifting jewellery: This one had my mouth agape for a good minute. So last year I suggested to all the Casanovas out there that jewellery is always the answer. Of course, little did I think how terribly wrong it could all go. It is never, and I repeat, never acceptable to give your significant other jewellery which you have already given someone else. One very lucky lady out there received a ring her boyfriend had given to his ex last Christmas. How did she know? There were photos of it on his ex’s finger all over social media. If you’re going to be cheap at least don’t get caught.

Weighing scales: Unless you are actively trying to get someone to break up with you (or break your neck), steer clear of all things weight related. He or she may claim that they’d like to lose a few kilos but believe me when I say that you should not try to be the mirror of truth in this fairy tale. Weight gain is a bit like complaining about your mother: you can do it, but God help the other person that decides to weigh in. In case anyone was wondering, gifting deodorant and lavatory paper is also rude. There are other occasions where you can call out someone’s personal hygiene in a hopefully much nicer way and well, Christmas isn’t one of them.

Merry Christmas!

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