Palazzo Castelletti
62, St Paul Street,
Rabat

Food: 6/10
Service: 8/10
Ambience: 9/10
Value: 7/10
Overall: 7/10

Afternoon tea in Rabat. And a dilemma arose at the table. To pour the milk in first or last? In the years when tea drinking first became fashionable, the prosperous and the propertied would add milk after having poured their tea, while the lower echelons of society always poured the milk in first. Tea had quickly percolated through the social strata but what was the reason for such classist confusion?

Poorer quality porcelain was inclined to crack under the heat of boiling hot tea, and so the milk was added first in order to protect the tea cup. It was another matter for those fortunate enough to own a superior quality, fine china tea set. The upper crust sat about eating their crustless tea sandwiches and poured their tea, trickling in a dash of milk.

With the curse of the cracked cup left firmly in the past, we set about enjoying our tea at a leisurely pace; the only way to truly appreciate the little luxury that is afternoon tea. Sitting in the sun-lit courtyard of a gorgeous palazzo, the elegant surroundings and unhurried atmosphere encouraged just that; the staff buzzing around us, anxious to please. Afternoon tea has historically always been a very feminine affair, an important social occasion tailor-made for women to gather and gossip. And that was precisely what a bunch of us were doing.

The tale of tea is a tale of an unassuming little Asian leaf that conquered the world. There’s something about tea. Exotically-perfumed fine teas can be quite exquisite. Tea leaves hold magic. But we wouldn’t be receiving a sophisticated cup of loose leaf tea unless we upgraded our Royal afternoon tea package. There are three to be had here at Castelletti.

We were on the middle rung, waving our tea bags. No tea menu or selections of teas was made available to us. English breakfast tea was what we got. There’s a Classic afternoon tea for €12.50 per head and a Sparkling afternoon tea deluxe package, comprising a glass of Prosecco, an arrival treat and free-flowing, higher-grade, loose-leaf tea coming in at €16.50 per person.

Palazzo Castelletti insists on the observance of formalities when it comes to afternoon tea, with food presented traditionally on a tiered cake stand and an array of traditional finger sandwiches. Starting from the lowest layer of the cake stand, we pounced on these thinly-sliced, dainty delights; handled in one hand and consumed in two or three bites. Cut into triangular-halves, the bread itself was extremely fresh.

However, some sandwich fillings fell extremely short. The cucumber sandwich, itself the quintessential tea sandwich, was given a twist in that the brown bread sandwiching  the slivers of crunchy cucumber had been drizzled with olive oil as opposed to being lightly buttered. It was lovely! Likewise, the smoked salmon and crème fraiche brown bread sandwich was sublime.

Formal enough in appearance, but lacking in substance

Unfortunately, the sandwich situation would quickly sadden. The egg sandwich, which could have been a thing of joy, was hardly a sensation. The filling of chopped eggs was dry and insipid. It seemed that the eggs had been hard-boiled a bit too much and so refused to soften to a textured paste when salted and peppered and bound with butter and mayonnaise. The sandwich could have benefitted from a scraping or two of chive butter to foil the bland, richness of the egg. The ham and cheese sandwich was a complete let down, comprising slivers of cheap cooked ham and some unsavoury cheese. The chicken and chutney sandwich was decidedly unpleasant, as is always the case when highly processed chicken is made use of. The appalling chicken could easily have passed for the odious ham made use of in the ham and cheese sandwich. I treated the grey ‘chicken’ slices with the scepticism they deserved. I bit into the sandwich and confirmed my reservations.

We moved on to the baked goods, beginning with The Great British Scone; humble and unassuming, yet great in every way. Light and airily textured with a rich, golden crumb; well-risen, moist scones are the darlings of tea time. Castelletti’s warm, dried fruit scones were beautifully bready and crumbly. They tasted and smelt freshly baked and were a bit too dense, although not unpleasantly so. Sadly, the classic toppings of strawberry jam and clotted cream left much to be desired.

Fat first. Instead of the thick, melt-in-the-mouth cream that I longed to slather on to my scone like butter, we were presented with a sickly sweet whipped cream. As unpleasant as this was, it was the strawberry jam that was the great deceiver. I dolloped it on to the scone and regretted it instantly. This was not strawberry jam, although it certainly had the appearance of such. This was marmalade.

And while marmalade is perfectly acceptable as a scone topping; especially when paired with citrus-flavoured scones or plain scones, a marmalade masquerading as a strawberry jam is not. It had no business being there, puzzling the palate with its awfully bitter tang. I desired nothing more than to spread my dried fruit scone with layers of fat and jam. But I was left with no choice but to eat it plain.

The cakes beckoned. The slices of check-patterned Battenberg cake looked pretty but tasted very mediocre. It was clearly not a freshly-baked cake. The same verdict awaited the second-rate fruit tart which was slightly stale as well as being painfully sweet. The chocolate and nut brownie was very dense and extremely bitter. It was nonetheless the best of the lot.

Castelletti’s afternoon tea is formal enough in appearance, but lacking in substance. Afternoon tea is an indulgence, yet we did not feel pampered in the slightest. The elegant surroundings had been a pleasant part of the experience. However, I had anticipated higher standards when it came to the food and the ingredients used. Although the tea was not an expensive one, I had expected better-quality food. Further refinement is necessary before this Royal afternoon tea package can begin to befit its regal name.

They haven’t quite nailed it yet.