I peeked through the airplane window on a flight back to Malta one day last week, and I have to say that my own homeland, glittering at night-time, took my breath away. Most village churches were lit up, most roof tops were decorated with ultra-violet poles in the shape of an upside-down V, and fireworks bounced in the sky from all angles as we were landing.

A child in the seat in front of me kept saying “Wow! Wow!”, and I felt like joining in. It looked truly magical – like someone was putting up a show specifically for us passengers on board.

If only, I thought, this beauty was not just a bird’s-eye view but also on the ground. For the truth is that inside many a home in Malta there is a lot of ugliness. I write this in the context of horrific news reports of domestic violence.

It’s been a summer rife with court cases that divulge vomit-inducing details. We read them, cover our mouths with our hands as we do so, feel disgusted,  share our disgust with whoever is next to us, and then life goes on for us, and for the many households where every day, behind closed doors, families live a veritable nightmare.

What gets to me most are the stupid comments to the tune of “Uu, min jaf x’ikun hemm fil-verità…” – the Maltese way of always striving to keep neutral in front of injustices. It makes me want to scream out loud. What can there ever be, for violence to be justified? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Today, one in five women in Malta suffer domestic violence. There is a good chance that there are women reading this who are victims of domestic violence and have been suffering in silence and shame for many years. If you’re reading this, please believe that you did not do anything at all to deserve being physically or psychologically abused, and please try and find the courage within you – as impossible as that may seem – to seek help so you pull yourself out of the hell you are living (get in touch with victimsupport.org.mt).

Earlier this year I carried out an exercise and scoured all reports of domestic violence in the media and I came across at least four reports per month – and these are only the ones that made it to court. Sadly, domestic violence is the silent killer of society and we are pretty much oblivious to it.  Children are living in environments where rampant abuse is their staple nourishment – they then either grow up to be vulnerable themselves or else follow the only pattern that they know and become perpetrators themselves. Very few manage to get out of the vicious circle.

One in five women in Malta suffer domestic violence

There are things that we, all of us, can do to curb domestic violence and it does not take much: offer your help to a neighbour and a friend who shares her suffering with you; go with them to the police station so that they do not feel intimidated; help them find their feet; help them not to be judged; offer them shelter, or help them pack when they need to seek shelter.

On a more long-term basis, we need to work on culture change. We must educate our children about relationships, show them how to spot bad relationships – that it’s not okay for your boyfriend to tell you not to go out with your friends. We must drill it in our children that toxic family environments are not on, and that it’s better for the parents to be divorced than the children witness atrocities that will mark them for life. We must fight the sprouting of gentlemen’s clubs all over, because they only promote the idea – to teens – that women are only there to entertain men.

We also have to put pressure on the authorities to address violence. Courts must order aggressive perpetrators to seek support and undergo rehabilitation and reform. Without working on their problems, once they discount their sentence the perpetrators will go out, meet the next vulnerable woman and the cycle will start all over again.

We must also insist on the introduction of family liaison officers at every police station at any point in time. They would be trained first responders, who ensure that victims and their families are handled with care, dignity and respect. They would be trained to obtain information and evidence quickly and effectively, which would mean an improvement in the quality of evidence at court hearings. They would also ensure that traumatised victims feel empowered to press charges and would not be afraid to do so.

This would improve the public confidence in the court process, and encourage more women victims to seek help.

We can also fight to improve the physical environment of the courts: the victims of abuse and perpetrators cannot, in this day and age, still wait outside the court room together, especially when there are issues of safety. We also desperately need to shorten the length of family case proceedings – dragging sentences are a source of frustration and emotional strain on the victims – women and children - of abuse.

We all need to work on this together so that the silent killer of society is stamped out and our island not only looks beautiful, but its soul is actually beautiful too.

krischetcuti@gmail.com
Twitter: @krischetcuti

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