Capo Crudo
Triq il-Lanċa,
Valletta
Tel: 79555 2221

Food: 6/10
Service: 6/10
Ambience: 9/10
Value: 5/10
Overall: 6/10

For the first time in over a decade, I’ve spent the week around Santa Maria in Malta. I usually make it a point to escape the insanity and the heat, travelling north in search of cooler pastures. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I decided I’d see what it’s actually like to be here for this most auspicious of mid-summer feasts.

After a week, I’d turned into an even grumpier version of myself. Quite foolishly, I spent most of my time within sight of the dominating Mosta church. This also meant being within earshot of the incessant tirade of petards that serve to remind one and all that this parish spent more than any other on bangs that are the loudest. Well-done to the winner of this year’s auditory dog-micturition contest, whoever that may be.

Escaping the Mosta environs to Valletta for some peace took me to the location of another bizarre contest. This one is more contentious but I have no sense of self-preservation so I’ll dive right in.

It starts at the location of a restaurant that received some stick for not fitting in with the rest of the Valletta seafront. Capo Crudo launched a while ago to some protest over the colour of their lighting or some similarly ludicrous opposition by those who will, essentially, oppose anything.

My take was that there is nothing as ugly as the Excelsior hotel on this side of Valletta and that those who opposed a restaurant that was already there as a bar and as a club beforehand ought to chain themselves to an existing eyesore and stay there until it is torn down. Luckily, the furore subsided when there was something else to complain about. Our attention span doesn’t allow us to stick to a cause for long enough.

And I’m still getting to the contentious bit. Capo Crudo is built into the shoreline at Marsamxett and is, effectively, a large tent with open sides and a retractable roof. So, from our table on the corner of this restaurant’s dining area, we could see the view from open sea, past the ugliness that is Sliema, round the beauty that is Manoel Island, and all the way into Sa Maison.

Looking up and the other way, you’re admiring the steeple of the Anglican pro-cathedral, elegantly rising above Valletta’s skyline.

Our contribution to the skyline, when building a Catholic church practically next door to it, was to make sure the dome rose above the Anglican spire. We couldn’t bear to have the highest point on the skyline belonging to the ‘wrong’ denomination. Now that the Anglican church, steeple, and spire need extensive restoration, it’s taken an appeal that reached as far as Prince Charles (HRH, may he live forever, etc) to fund the repairs. Why would the nation consider part of its capital’s skyline important if that part belongs to a church that isn’t widely subscribed to? Sitting at Capo Crudo, one hopes that the steeple holds up until at least after one’s finished dinner and driven to safety.

Whoever built this restaurant had some good ideas. The structure itself, effectively a convertible if I’m allowed to borrow the term from the car industry, means that the restaurant can go from a closed structure to an al fresco terrace without disrupting the interior.

The decor is mostly pleasant but for some dubious touches. There’s that glossy red, larger-than-life sculpture of a bowing man, flying nudes above the bar, a naked woman parade in leopard print, tiger print, and other bright coloured patterns near the entrance and other little touches that liven up the place if you’re not actually interested in art. The lighting could easily have been Tom Dixon copper globes but they’re some sort of semi-translucent imitation. I’m picking on details that are mostly subjective though. It’s not bad for a location where the sea of the Marsamxett harbour is almost literally lapping at your ankles.

The people who greeted us and took our order did their best, even if this meant plenty of replication of service. The man who passed on menus and told us about the specialities of the day made it a point to emphasise how lovely the risotto with lobster was.

Ultimately, it is the sensational location that’s carrying the place

Then the lady who asked us if we needed menus, even if we had them in front of us, went on to encourage us to try the risotto that’s “il-veru tasty”. The coming and going of this uncoordinated duo was slightly comedic but it worked for us because we were given some scripted attention. The real winner was the girl who was given the task of bringing wine, serving water and other parts of the service that her colleagues felt didn’t need much script. She was efficient, polite, and all but invisible, traits that she could be teaching those around her.

The menu is quite a standard affair for a seaside restaurant with fine dining expectations. There’s a list of raw seafood, standard pasta dishes, three fish and three meat main courses, and a handful of desserts. This is supplemented by the specialities of the day and here is where the real magic seems to happen. Meat dishes include Kobe beef and USDA Wagyu – the same origin but bred a few thousand miles apart.

The fish specialities covered the fresh catch of the day along with a fillet of Dentex and the much lauded risotto with lobster, saffron, and truffles.

The better half was having a cippullazza that was just the right size for one portion and I just had to try the risotto if the chef was so keen on us eating it. To start with we picked the mixed raw seafood that’s available to share. We added a bottle of Planeta’s lovely fiano, aptly called ‘Cometa’, and watched the sun set over the magical tableau outside.

We waited for a very short time for our starters. There’s little preparation involved and the restaurant was very sparsely patronised. We had just enough time to enjoy the fresh bread, decent olive oil, and lovely olives that occupied the table so far.

Our starters gave us one oyster, one langoustine, one scallop, and 1 crostina with anchovies each. One of my langoustine had gone off, a possibility in these weather conditions. The crostini were actually quite tasty and the scallops totally insipid. At €30 for the dish, however, this doesn’t make much sense. I’ve eaten entire meals just a hundred kilometres north for the same price and they included ten times the quantity and variety of fresh seafood.

Our main courses took a little while longer but they were served well within what we’d consider a reasonable timeframe. Freshly prepared risotto takes its time. The staff first made an attempt to fillet the fish at table but it was a windy night and the whole meal was going to go cold by the time they were done. So they asked if we’d be fine with them performing the operation in the kitchen and I was glad they’d paid attention to this.

The fish had been expertly cooked so the timing was just right � the flesh parted easily with a fork and retained its delicate flavour. It was steeped in a very salty sauce though and the better half found herself trying to pick the fish at the top of the pile to prevent it from dropping into the sauce and ruining it. On the side there was a circular arrangement of veg that included carrot, sweet potato and aubergine. I didn’t taste it but I watched it being moved around the plate with no enthusiasm so I can’t imagine it shone particularly brightly.

My end of the table looked better. The rice, a deep orange colour, was bisected with half a lobster. Five flakes of summer truffle were arranged carefully around the plate and fresh micro herbs and saffron stamens livened up the surface. The rice was cooked to what I consider the perfect risotto texture, retaining just a bit of bite and fluffy enough to blend into the viscous sauce.

The sauce was overly laboured so there was little of the hero ingredients in it. Unless there was a morsel of lobster meat in the forkful, it was hard to taste the lobster in the sauce. The saffron was all but absent and just a hint of truffle came through. The intensity of the heavily salted fish stock made it unbearable after a while so I ate through half the dish and left the rest.

€150 later, we walked out of the slightly oddball restaurant, feeling a little like we’d been cheated. The risotto is priced ‘according to weight’ on the menu, the only way of justifying a price tag that’s surely known to the chef beforehand. The food is just about what we’d expect of a vastly less ambitious restaurant.

Ultimately,  it is the sensational location that’s carrying the place and I can’t help but wonder just how long this can work for them.

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