The Embryo Protection Act will affect the lives of children through the potentially harmful effects of surrogacy, egg/sperm donation and embryo freezing
Last month we heard Helena Dalli emphasising that she would not compromise on equality in the Gay Marriage Bill, Chris Fearne’s proposal that IVF should be opened up for lesbians to avoid discrimination, Michael Farrugia saying that Malta needs to move forward by approving embryo freezing and Kristina Chetcuti saying in her column that what people do in their beds is no one’s business.
However, this is not about what people do in their beds any longer. It is neither just about loving. Both experience and research tell us that whether a person is gay or straight, we all have the potential to love, be good parents, teachers, babysitters etc. This is about the lives of our own Maltese children.
Children who are born through a donor and children who are born through a father will not be treated equally. One will enjoy the biological bond while the other not. Some would argue that removing anonymity would solve the problem. We acknowledge that this could minimise the potential harm, but when it comes to children’s lives we should not be talking about harm reduction, we need to be talking about best interest.
While we acknowledge the pain in the unfulfilled desire of an adult who desperately wants a child, we find it hard to believe that fulfilling an adult’s desire is in the best interest of a child. Even though not all children are affected by this, there are many children who are, and these voices need to be heard too, to make an informed decision and build an opinion.
In a recent story (one of many) featuring on anonymusus.org (June 2017), a 22-year-old female born through a donor in a heterosexual family shows that love alone is not enough:
“I was born into a loving, happy family. My parents have had a strong admirable marriage for nearly 25 years. I never would have imagined that my father was not the biological male who contributed to my existence. However, I have since felt a shameful sadness about this news. Although it doesn’t make any sense, I feel as though I am a complete stranger to myself and to the family I have always known and loved. Half of what I had thought to be a fundamental part of who I am has been taken from me.
Children who are born through a donor and children who are born through a father will not be treated equally
“Am I genetically likely to be fat? Tall? A fast runner? Do I potentially carry diseases or ailments I can otherwise pass onto my children? I do understand that my genetic roots do not technically contribute to who I claim to be, but I am still shaken. I am so confused over this feeling. I am able to confidently determine how I feel, but I am split because half of me feels this way and understands it, and the other half of me tells me I am being dramatic and unreasonable. I am afraid to tell my parents how this makes me feel out of the fear that they will misunderstand my confusion.”
The argument that there are also single parents and adoption does not hold water. It is one thing having this situation through circumstance like single parenting, a dead parent, or having someone who generously adopts a baby or child to offer him/her a family, and it’s another deciding to cut a person from his biological story, social background and family tree so that one can have one’s own child.
Another clear form of discrimination will be faced when embryo freezing is introduced. Who will decide who to freeze and who will be given a chance at life? We use “who” because the Laws of Malta recognise the embryo as a person (Article 43 of the Civil Code) and classifies him or her under the category of a ‘child’ (Article 128A).
Mr Fearne had said last year that “spare” embryos will be given up for adoption. This is another level of inequality: Some will enjoy life with the biological connection of natural parents, others will be destined to a life with an unrelated couple. So who will be really discriminating against who here?
Finally, having one’s own children in a same-sex relationship will intentionally deprive the child of experiencing the beauty of a mother/father. Many tell us that some heterosexual couples are abusive of their children and gay parents are better. But are all gay parents perfect? Abuse is an issue to be tackled separately which could be found in all forms of family.
Male and female is not about who cleans the floor and washes the dishes, roles and things which both a man and a woman can do. Male and female are different in their very being; they love differently, they play differently, etc. These are not stereotypes but reality. Bringing up children does not simply involve loving them but also accompanying them to develop their unique identity, including their gender identity. And the main contributors in the child’s life remain the parents. We heard so much about the importance of the father figure in a girl’s life, where has all this psychology teaching gone?
In no way are we disputing LGBTIQ relationships as third party reproductive methods also used by heterosexual couples in other countries. But it is very probable that it will be because of the new Marriage Bill that the Embryo Protection Act will change and affect the lives of Maltese children through the potentially harmful effects of surrogacy, egg/sperm donation and embryo freezing. Please allow the voices of adults who are hurt by these experiences of when they were children to be heard.
Mentioning surrogacy, one wonders how the European Women’s Lobby group advocated against surrogacy and signed the statement Stop Surrogacy Now way back in 2015, while Nisa Laburisti is advocating for the introduction of surrogacy. Surrogacy reduces the mother to simply a means of transport. It detaches the mother from the baby at a time when the attachment is meant to start.
We are very happy that in the past years the LGBTIQ community in Malta has been feeling more equal, welcomed, included, accepted and having their love recognised. We also want to be part of this.
But when it comes to having one’s own children we feel that the best interest of the child is a must. That children have a right to be loved is certainly a point of agreement between all, but experience is showing that this matter is beyond love, it is also about equality.
Suzanne Vella, Marisa Gatt and Martha Fitz are mothers and workers in the educational and social field. Fb: Save The Embryo Protection Act – Malta.