And just like that, ‘simulation’ becomes part of English football’s history.

Okay, maybe I am being a bit over-optimistic here, but there is no doubt in my mind that the decision to introduce retrospective punishment from next season for players who dive or feign injury will go a very long way towards stamping out this disease.

Up until now, some of the less scrupulous players out there have been prepared to dive on the basis that if they get away with it during the game, they aren’t going face trial by television afterwards.

That, sadly, made it a risk worth taking for the cheating minority, players like… well, I won’t mention any names but the initials LS might ring a bell. And just in case they don’t, attach them to the letters ‘uis’ and ‘uarez’ and see if that helps.

But I digress. Under the new rules, players found guilty of trying to deceive a referee by pretending to have been fouled or faking injury will get a two-match ban.

More importantly, they will have all sorts of stigma permanently attached to their reputations. It’s one thing when the world thinks you are a cheat, another when it is a proven fact.

And I have to say I am equally happy with the system being used to determine guilt, which will see footage of the incident in question independently reviewed by an ex-manager, ex-referee and ex-player.

Only if all three unanimously agree that the player is guilty of conning the match official will he be banned. So the system is not likely to be misused.

All in all it seems like such a simple and brilliant cure for this football disease. You can only wonder why it wasn’t introduced years ago…

Substance but no style

Part of me is exceptionally happy that Manchester United won last Wednesday night’s Europa League final. Not only is it good that England have five teams in next year’s Champions League, in light of the horrific events in Manchester earlier last week it was in some small way a tribute to the victims.

However, those definite positives still can’t detract from the fact that the match was utter garbage as a spectacle.

A young, skilful and energetic Ajax against a United team with half a billion pounds of talent on display should have been a classic. It was, instead, quite possibly one of the most tedious games I’ve seen all season.

A simple and brilliant cure for this football disease. You can only wonder why it wasn’t introduced years ago

By using stifling tactics in Stockholm, Jose Mourinho may have achieved his primary objectives of winning a second trophy and securing a return to Europe’s elite.

But it came at the price of entertainment. As a one off that’s fine. If, however, Mourinho intends to make a habit of winning ugly, I suspect he still won’t be viewed as a success in Manchester.

The way to bow out

More often than not, football careers end with a whimper rather than a bang.

But not in Dirk Kuyt’s case.

The former Liverpool player brought his 19-year career to a close the previous week but only after captaining Feyenoord to their first league title in 18 years.

And just to make sure he went out in spectacular fashion he scored all his team’s goals in their 3-1 final-day-of-the-season, title-securing win over Heracles.

Too many players allow their careers to fade away as they drop down the divisions, fall out of favour at their clubs, go into semi-retirement in America or gradually succumb to age and injury.

Kuyt blasted his way to a title with a brilliant hat-trick and then called it a day while the echoes of the fans chanting his name were still ringing in his ears.

That’s the way to go.

He’ll be back

Although I didn’t see Sam Allardyce’s resignation coming, in hindsight it isn’t that much of a surprise.

As I have said before, Big Sam spent his entire career aiming for one thing – to manage the national team. He achieved that objective and then threw it all away after just one match.

Any sort of long-term club management after that was always going to be an anti-climax. Sure, he did what he was paid to do at Crystal Palace and no doubt earned a lot of money in the process.

But I suspect his heart is no longer in football, certainly not the day-to-day running of a club that is never likely to challenge at the top end.

So have we seen the last of him in the dugout? Probably not. Some club at some point will need saving and they will be prepared to pay a small fortune to the man who specialises in doing it.

In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Allardyce became a pure rescue specialist – spending the first half of each season fishing and playing with his grandkids and then stepping in on short-term SOS deals.

But unless one of the big, big boys comes calling – which isn’t going to happen – I think Sam’s days as a mainstream manager are now over.

Barton’s best quote

A few of weeks ago I wrote a piece about Joey Barton which prompted reader Joe Cassar to send me his all-time favourite Barton quote.

Speaking back in 2006, the outspoken player slammed England players for releasing autobiographies after yet another failed World Cup campaign.

“England did nothing in the World Cup, why are they bringing books out? We got beat in the quarter-finals, I played like sh*t, here’s my book. Who wants to read that?” he said.

Not elegant, Joey, but incredibly hard to disagree with…

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com
Twitter: @maltablade