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Fake news

A satirical look at the bizarre political world in 2017

● Ann Fenech is a snob and does not think pastizzi from Is-Serkin are suitable for prime ministers.
● Ann Fenech likes to slum it and loves pastizzi from Is-Serkin.
● The Maltese public think pastizzi are the most important thing in politics and will defend them to the bitter end, full stop.

● Nationalist MP Jason Azzopardi calls for the arrest of a journalist on charges of harassment. He rescinds the request and apologises 24 hours later.
● Labour minister Chris Cardona asks for, and gets, a garnishee order to the tune of €47,000 against journalist Daphne Caruana Galizia, full stop.
● Lawyer Paul Lia claims that Daphne Caruana Galizia is a blogger not a journalist.
● Court says that Daphne Caruana Galizia is a journalist, not a blogger.
● The Maltese public thinks she's a blogger and/or a journalist and/or a witch.

● Donald and Melania Trump are happily married. For the next four years he will live in Washington, she will live in New York.
● Konrad and Sai Mizzi are happily married. For the last four years he has lived in Malta, she in Shanghai.

Donald and Melania Trump are happily married. For the next four years he will live in Washington, she will live in New York. Konrad and Sai Mizzi are happily married. For the last four years he has lived in Malta, she in Shanghai.

● French presidential candidate Francois Fillon faces political crisis over claims that his wife was paid funds for fake jobs. Fillon claims she worked very hard.
● Minister Konrad Mizzi does not face political crisis over claims that his wife was paid funds for fake jobs. Sai Mizzi tells the press: "judge me by what I do".
● Konrad Mizzi does not know what his wife does and refers press to her employer.
● Sai Mizzi’s employer, Malta Enterprise, has no assessment report on the work she did, but has kept her on until they find a replacement.
● Sai Mizzi’s employer, Malta Enterprise, has no assessment/report on the works she did, but has renewed her contract.

● Financial Intelligence Unit Director resigns shortly after submitting report on secret offshore companies held by Keith Schembri, Konrad Mizzi and an unknown third party in the British Virgin Isles and Panama.
● Prime Minister Joseph Muscat asks Opposition leader Simon Busuttil to say publicly who owns Panama company Egrant.

● The President of the European Commission Jean-Claude Juncker avoids talking about Panama Papers and tax avoidance companies when in Malta, contending this is a national issue,
● Former Luxembourg Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker was hit by a major political crisis in 2014 when Luxleaks revealed that under his premiership Luxembourg had been turned into a major European centre for corporate tax avoidance.

● Donald Trump loves the children of other countries so he is stopping funding to international health organisations that offer birth control advice.
● Donald Trump loves America so he is stopping five-year-old child immigrants entering the country as they could be terrorists.

● Doctors warn that high heels are not recommended for people with mobility issues
● Dorothy Busuttil confirms that high heels are recommended for people with mobility issues.

● Funniest rumour in Washington: Every evening Donald Trump walks through the White House in a white bathrobe.
● Funniest rumour in Malta: Chris Cardona and his employee walk around German brothel in white bathrobes.

● Maltese retired judge, former chair of the Malta Olympic Committee, caught on camera by UK press discussing tickets for the 2012 Olympics.
● Maltese judge to chair board governing government property in response to scandals involving (among others) a house on Old Mint Street and Cafe Premier.

● In 2016 newspapers revealed that British MP Keith Vaz was at a party with rent boys. The newspapers had pictures to prove it.
● Daphne Caruana Galizia quotes sources saying that Chris Cardona visited brothel while on official business in Germany. She has no pictures.
● Chris Cardona claims he did not visit brothel and was at his hotel all night. He has receipt for beer to prove it.

● In 2016, Donald Trump said he would build a wall and it would be paid for by Mexico.
● In 2013, Konrad Mizzi said he would build a gas power station by 2015 and that it was "costed".

● In 2017, Donald Trump said the wall would be paid for by US citizens paying taxes on Mexican goods.
● In 2017, Konrad Mizzi said the gas power station may be ready by summer 2017... and it would cost somewhat more than originally budgeted.

● Hillary Clinton said she will be America's first female president.
● Polls predicted that Hillary would be the first American female president.

● Simon Busuttil says he will win the next election.
● Polls say that Labour will win the next election.

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