Uncontrollable, convulsive laughter came out of the confessional box.

“What do you want?” asked the barman.

“What do you recommend?”

“Something to make you funnier.”

Crypts aren’t usually very amusing places. You don’t normally hear much laughter in them. Or much giggling. Titters are hard to come by. Unless you are drinking in the undercroft of St George Church in Bloomsbury in central London.

“How about a Rivers Deeper Vodka cocktail? With lemon juice. Tart lemon juice,” said the barman behind the golden age of comedy bar-top. Mine host, David Hodge, also goes by the name ‘Very Miss O’, one of London’s most famous drag queens.

The big idea is to make comedy an essential part of London tourism and ring-fence British comedy as the best in the world

“Or a Benny’s Pill? Or maybe some Long Comfortable Guffaws? Ginger and ginger beer.” Very Miss O’s alter ego winked.

The Comedians Bar, at the Museum of Comedy, is a funny place. It’s fitted out with sitcom chairs from Father Ted and pews straight out of The Vicar of Dibley, as well a backcloth from the Old Players’ Theatre. The bar top is part of the Tower Hamlets’ Wilton’s Theatre, the oldest surviving grand music hall, going back to the mid-19th century.

The unique bar is to be found in London’s new Museum of Comedy. Museum curator and veteran comedy industry insider Martin Witts often pulls pints there.

“The big idea is to make comedy an essential part of London tourism and ring-fence British comedy as the best in the world.”

He was interrupted by raucous laughter from the confessional box.

“It comes from the Dave Allen show. We’ve turned it into a joke booth. You can deposit your own joke there recorded for posterity.”

Mine was “What do you call a judge with no thumbs? Justice Fingers.”

During his 30 year career, Witts has worked with Ken Dodd, Russ Abbot, Joan Rivers, Doug Stanhope, Norman Wisdom, Eddie Izzard, The Two Ronnies, Freddie Starr, Danny La Rue, Benny Hill and Paul O’Grady (Lily Savage).

As artistic director of the West End’s Leicester Square Theatre, he has hosted over a thousand famous comedy acts and met most of comedy legends. And he has come away with more than a few mementos and souvenirs – the museum has over 6,000 exhibits.

“I have Captain Mainwaring’s binocular case from Dad’s Army and one of Hodges’s air warden hats, as well as Benny Hill’s mandolin, Tony Hancock’s homburg and coat, Spike Milligan’s piano and some original Goons scripts. I have Monty Python scripts too.”

As well as live, stand-up comedy nights and magic shows, the museum’s cinema regularly screens silent comedies starring Laurel and Hardy and Chaplin. “I also have a Chaplin cane. And some Tommy Cooper stuff, including an original fez and props like the plants stand for his vase and flower trick.

Museums should be fun places... people should be seen having a good time in them

“I’m trying to find the chandelier from Only Fools and Horses, and am on the lookout for anything connected with Joan Rivers. I’ve already got a wig, one of her handbags and some shoes.

“Then there’s a suit worn by Max Miller and Peter Kay’s The Way To Amrillo suit; the reception phone from the Fawlty Towers set; a pair of Russ Abbott’s brothel creepers; a pair of Charlie Cairoli’s super-sized clown shoes; and a pair of Little Tich’s shoes. Then there’s Bill Bailey’s six-head guitar and a pair of Ronnie Barker’s glasses, plus loads of original contracts, like Marie Loyd’s, as well as a number of tickets and flyers.”

The museum also houses a collection of music hall posters from the early 19th century, besides what Witts claims to be the world’s earliest funny bone. It was found during excavation work underneath the floor of the crypt. There are over 40000 song sheets, videos, DVDs and an archive library containing thousands of books.

“I suppose one of my favourite items must be the stuffed bear from Steptoe and Son, together with the human skeleton from the show. I’ve also got the sign of Oil Drum Lane, where the show’s rag and bone scrapyard was. One of my proudest moments was outbidding a member of the Royal family in a Goons memorabilia auction!”

Last orders were called. “One for the road?” asked the barman, answering his own feed.

“I’m on a whisky diet. Last week I lost three days.”

He looked around at the selection of London ales. “We’re waiting a delivery of Bill Bailey brew.”

Nearby, a woman was playing with a guillotine as seen on The Tommy Cooper Show.

We toasted the success of the museum. “I’ve still got 3000 items at home to sort through, and I get donations daily,” said Witts. “I’m planning to get some more fezs and fit them with earphones so people can walk around listening to the guided audio tour, while enjoying the gags. Museums should be fun places... people should be seen having a good time in them. There seem to be too many that are too solemn and serious.

Time was called, but no bell rang. Instead a loud foghorn sounded.

Martin smiled. “I got it from the theatre at the end of Blackpool’s North End pier.”

www.museumofcomedy.com

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