If there is something deeply desired by all it is the experience of fatherhood. This is reflected by the first words we utter as children. Adults also search relentlessly to make peace with their experience of parenthood.

Today, on Father’s day, we reflect on the search for our father’s blessing. Psychologically, we all search for our fathers and desire a deep experience of being sons and daughters. An adult cannot really possess inner security without accepting the father figure in his or her life.

The upheaval of the 1960s coined the concept of the ‘death of the father’. This notion has implications on issues of authority, together with recurrent forms of identity crisis that we witness in our generation. Paul Ricœur used to speak of our present culture as a ‘fatherless culture’.

No one is born a father: fatherhood is a process of becoming. One becomes a father by passing through the necessary process of being someone’s child. Fatherhood is not simply biological. This search must lead us to heal our inner wounds and to accept past experiences, realising that fatherhood is a gift rather than a limitation.

Today is a day to honour our fathers; we call it Father’s day. As we revisit our own experience of fatherhood we come to realise that our father served as our first model of authority and security. His responsibility was to offer his children the safety of a home and stability.

Every father is called to reconcile with his past in order to offer a better parenthood to his own children

Becoming human always implies a journey of belonging, acceptance and freedom. We only become free when we revisit and integrate the inner dynamism of life, freeing ourselves from past experiences that hinder our inner freedom and growth. In life we realise more and more that we are the fruit of our past but not slaves of it, as we try to integrate experiences where we felt loved and accepted by some, and rejection and neglect by others.

Such experiences become a springboard from which we can venture into the journey of life. Authentic fatherhood does not project or impose unfulfilled dreams on the younger generation. Fatherhood must be a mirror for us, who are called to become adults.

Fatherhood intrinsically implies a presence and sensitivity, an attitude of deep listening and the art of knowing the delicate balance between offering support while also inviting us to change and face new challenges. One cannot become a father without visiting, in an honest and truthful way, his own experience of being a child and a son.

Every father is called to reconcile with his past in order to offer a better parenthood to his own children. The past inevitably leaves its mark on us; as children we tend to either seek our parents’ esteem by copying their attitudes or we reject their values as a sign of protest.

As children enter the threshold of adulthood they increasingly desire the presence of their father as an elder, as someone who has already gone through the journey of life. His witness, his gentle presence and experience can be a source of wisdom that unfortunately tends to be lacking in our society.

Loving our fathers also implies accepting their limitations. We are fellow human beings in the journey of life. Healing comes when we realise that our parents tried to do their best with the tools and knowledge available to them. One of the most beautiful things that can happen to us as adults is that our parents become like a brother and sister.

Scripture is full of people who desired and worked hard for their father’s blessing. They would not find peace until that blessing was bestowed on them. As we thank God today for the gift of our fathers, we pray that, like Jesus, we too may experience being beloved children of the Father, a Father who is well pleased with us. This is a blessing we aspire to from the first moments of our life. It is a blessing we all desire.

frmartincilia@gmail.com

Fr Martin Cilia is a member of the Missionary Society of St Paul.

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