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Dear subjects...

Dear Subjects,

Actually I think you seem more like objects from up here.

Hello, I am the wife of the most loved person in Malta, our supreme leader, Joseph Muscat. He is SuperJM, my most beloved. I love him a lot more than he loves me but I don’t mind.

He lets me have henna on my hand; nothing like Lawrence Gonzi and his spouse. Would the former leader of the PN allow Kate to have henna on her hand? You see my husband is the most liberal of them all. He takes me with him to Dubai—isn’t that extra nice of him? —and he gives me full liberty to paint myself into any corner.

Did you see it, my hand, on the media or on the witch’s blog? Why don’t they do something and burn that witch? We should get the Inquisition back, especially now that we are so liberal and free.

Anyway my husband is also the best because he lets me have my own Margarine foundation. My friends who know all about face cream and foundation for my lovely complexion were also the ones chosen to run CHOGM.

CHOGM my dears, is what keeps the balance of power in the universe, adding wealth to all the commoners of the world.

Exactly what I like—being positive and helping the needy.

I help the needy; especially the inmates of Corradino. I got them a sewing machine and many good contacts and contracts. They haven’t been paid for their work; but they now know how to sew and also have my sewing machine. I don’t think they should complain; they should thank me.

I help the needy; especially the inmates of Corradino. I got them a sewing machine and many good contacts and contracts. They haven’t been paid for their work; but they now know how to sew and also have my sewing machine. I don’t think they should complain; they should thank me.

And the papers, the media, should know I helped everyone, especially my close friends, to make a lot of money.

If CHOGM or Government did not pay for the costumes it isn’t my fault now is it dear? Most probably they didn’t pay because they had more important things to look after. They look after their wealth well, I can assure you.

Now lately I have noticed how not all the media is being very nice to my darling husband. I cannot understand how all this has come to pass.

Three years ago we won; I hear that the victory was a handsome one. Oh I love handsome wins; winsome me loves anything handsome. As we are children of the rainbow, we embrace all proclivities. I am sorry if you do not know what the word proclivity means. I don’t either but they told me to write it. Check it out, it sounds like a nice feminist word.

Now let me be a teacher too besides such a special lady: be more positive or else I will stop swimming for charity and stop being the face of Mary’s Gold. I am very busy going around the world reading and writing brochures which are all about what love, what happiness I and my friends are ready to pass on you to you. Not all of you will appreciate this but my high society friends will for sure.

I know Joseph, my Amazing Joseph, is no longer smiling much; I am used to him frowning and growling at home when I tell him I wish he would look at me lovingly and hug me like he does so many of his friends. He then snaps at me and I get into a bad mood my dears. It is like what you do. But then I realise I am not being positive so I smile my sweetest and most honest smile and he too smirks like the cute curt man he has always been to me.

Joseph, my Joseph remains the best man I could ever have chosen as our Prime Minister.

Remember, be positive my dears. And my dear Joseph told me to never mention Panama ever ever again in his, or Keith Schembri’s, presence. Please dears do the same or he will remain in a bad mood.

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