The event that almost brought Malta to a standstill is now over. I might not be any the wiser as to what our world leaders intend to do to tackle migration in a humane manner, but this doesn't mean there weren't some lessons bidden in there, somewhere.

5. Expecting a politician to come up with practical solutions is a bit like expecting your dog to clean up after its own poop. Apologies for the crass analogy, but given the bull that I've been reading these past two days, the mental association was inevitable.

Rather than workable solutions, summit speeches were littered with phrases like "the need to strengthen the EU's external borders" and "asylum seekers should not be the ones to decide which county would grant them asylum". Call me a party-pooper, but these words remind me more of some far right renegade party than of a gathering of world leaders who genuinely want to improve the plight of migrants. If fanning xenophobia and encouraging more extreme nationalism were the main items on the summit agenda, well done you guys, achievement unlocked.

But hey, in the immortal words of our prime minister, "the migration summit was a milestone in that this was the first time that European and African leaders had met to specifically to discuss migration".
In other words, "hey we took the time to meet up with these people, our work here is done for the day".

4. It doesn't take a lot for some people to salve their conscience. In fact, the going price seems to be €250,000. I'm looking at you, Mr Prime Minister. Yes, in terms of money that Malta can afford, the sum is not insignificant, I suppose. But in terms of actual effort to help out African countries, it is worth less than a sneeze in an ocean. As potential solutions go, it is singularly ineffective. The powers-that-be probably figured that some token blood money would make empty phrases like "The important thing was that an action plan has been agreed upon ", an easier pill to swallow. It doesn't - as far as I can see, the only action plan that has been agreed upon is for every dignitary to go back to the comfort of their luxurious life with a spotless conscience while the corpses of adults and children continue turning the Mediterranean into an unmarked graveyard.

3. At the end of the day, this was just another excuse for a show of power from the developed world. Our prime minister, quote unquote, hailed the summit as "a success"? Oh really? It was certainly a massive hit in terms of world leaders preening at each other, reciprocally patting each other's backs and showing crass insensitivity towards those whose lives are certainly more affected by the issue of migration than the likes of Muscat, Tusk and co.

And, judging by some of the links I have seen floating around online, Malta also managed to get one hell of a bloopers' reel out of the whole event. If only we had a local version of Paperissima, that infamous interpreter's video, for instance, would be worth its weight in gold.

But in terms of actual results, proceedings were less satisfactory. I'm sorry, but facetious speeches solely intended to cover one's collective butt do not, a successful plan of action make.

2. The words 'Migration Summit' turned out to be a bit of a misnomer. Calling it the Valletta Anti-Migration Summit might not have such a sexy ring to it, but at least it would have been more honest.

Some examples: speaking about the UK's less-than-altruistic approach, EU Council president Donald Tusk had these gems to offer: "this was a very, very tough game" and, wait for it, it would be "really difficult" to find an agreement. No, erm, shoe-shine, Sherlock. Or, to put it in the vernacular: imn'Alla ghidtilna, ta.

The one thing everyone seems to be in agreement on is the closing off of borders and the rethinking of the Schengen area. One step forward, 10 steps back.
When the summit was announced, I foolishly though that everyone would be focused on finding ways and means to help out migrants. Instead, all the EU bigwigs seem to care about is finding sufficient covering for their own backsides.
All the meetings, both formal and informal (and what the hell does the latter mean, anyway? Does everyone turn up in the PJs or something?) served for was to highlight how world leaders are unwilling to take the tough road with genuine, long term solutions.

1. Too much traffic? Just set up a summit. The one good thing that emerged out of this blessed event: against all expectations, driving was actually a breeze.
My usual, 45-minute journey to Valletta during rush hour took a mere 20 minutes cruising along quasi-deserted roads. I'm going to go ahead and assume that, rather than this being due to any amazing traffic-management skills, this was more due to the fact that everyone was too scared of the promised grid-locks to use their car.

Now THAT is what Alanis Morisette should have put in her revamped version of Ironic.

Sign up to our free newsletters

Get the best updates straight to your inbox:
Please select at least one mailing list.

You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the link in the footer of our emails. We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing.