Educational books raising awareness about LBGTQ relationships are given out in schools and all hell breaks loose.
Suddenly, when our parochial lifestyle encounters something that is outside of our comfort zone, we transform into a nation of god-fearing do-gooders.
‘Protecting the children' becomes the raison d'être of our whole being, because the Maltese - as the plethora of self-righteous comments underneath this story will inform you - will do anything to protect the innocence of our children.
Only, this is not quite true is it? To all these people so shocked at the idea that school-children are taught that there are fellow humans in a same-sex relationship and that is perfectly fine, I say this:
Where were you when, a couple of weeks ago, a young woman spoke up about inappropriate actions taking place under the guise of an audition? I'll tell you where. You were busy carrying out a thorough character-assassination exercise on this poor girl on the same comment boards and on social media. What price protecting the children, if we would rather throw a vulnerable young woman under the bus, when her accusations threaten to upset our comfortable perception of the way Maltese society functions? "Daqs kemm hu ragel sew dak, bil-fors waqqghetu."
And by no means am I suggesting a guilty verdict without due process. What I am writing about here, that I find extremely worrying, is the reaction of the populace, how quick everyone is to put a very young woman (not so long ago a child herself) on trial.
More examples of cases where the Maltese hive mind did anything but ‘protect the children’ abound. Where were you when a 25-year-old was arraigned - not once, but three times - on charges of sexual contact with a number of minors? For every 10 comments whining about the 'degeneration of our values due to these new-fangled gay ideas', there is maybe one comment condemning the sexual abuse/corruption of minors.
The rest of the comments pretty much excuse the man, going on at length about the “modern 13-year-old”.
Because, according to the Maltese moral code, it is okay for a 25-year-old to touch a 13-year-old girl's breast.
And for parents to send said 13-year-old to shady teen parties, with photos of her half-naked surfacing on Facebook the following day. No robbing of innocence is taking place here, because it is all as nature intended.
But it is not okay for the children to be taught about same-sex relationships in school, because then it becomes a very obvious case of degenerate immorality and it gets too confusing for the children.
"How will they know where they fit on the sexuality spectrum?" Asked one would-be Kinsey.
It is quite simple lady, if only you would care to employ the grey cells. Sexuality is instinctual and no amount of books will make someone sleep with a person of the same sex, if it is not their inclination to do so. And yet, even this very basic knowledge escapes most of us.
And finally, where were you when the 10-year-old refugee was bullied/mocked/ostracised because of her skin colour? Nowhere, because kindness is not something we really hold with here and the benefits of diversity have not really been proven by "those abroad", have they?
For shame. Empty vessels make most noise, and there sure has been a lot of noise surrounding the rightful progress that has been made with respect to gender and sexuality.
But there is a distinct lack of noise from the community at large about all the issues I mention here. Maybe the only action Malta's guardians of morality are ready to take to protect the children is the non-threatening one of tearing up a couple of books that scare them.
Anything that requires more moral fibre is just too much of a hassle.