I don’t go to the hairdresser often, partly because I can’t be bothered, and partly because my mother is also a hairdresser who offers me free services whenever she can.

But today I had to get decent quickly so I went to the hairdresser next door. That’s where I met a childhood friend whom I hadn't seen in years and as we sat there having our hair done, my friend decided to take me down memory lane.

Today, my friend is a beautiful mother of two; she’s got long blond hair and enough energy to power the national grid. She is tall and so bubbly and confident that you’d have a hard time believing that she was severely bullied as a child.

I however believe her, because I was there with her.

It was back in the 80s, we were nine or ten years old attending a Church school – a school our parents thought was top-notch, a school they paid through their noses to keep us in, a school which harboured and nurtured first class bullies and did very little to stop abuse.

But of course, because we were girls, the bullying never took the form of punches and kicks. We never went home with bruises and cuts, not on our skin at least. That meant that the abuse went undetected or not taken seriously.

I was lucky, and only spent one year in that school. I’m also lucky to have a very selective memory and thus remember very little about that time. My friend, on the other hand, had to take it for another five long years.

As confident as she is today her bruises are still not entirely healed. Even after so many years, even after having made a complete turn around and is probably happier and more successful than any of her peers from back then, she still gets angry at the thought of what she was put through. Seeing her old classmates today still triggers anger, and a childlike feeling of inadequacy.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that the damage of a violent relationship – no matter what form it takes – is permanent.

A recent study about the perception of young people on violent behaviour revealed some very interesting points. The research which was conducted by Jesmond Friggieri in collaboration with Malta Girl Guides, focused on the perceptions of young people between the ages of 16 and 22 who are currently in further and higher education.

In gist, the study revealed (or perhaps confirmed) the following:
• Young people are well aware of what violent relationships entail.
• They are capable of differentiating between types of abuse and their effect on the victim.
• Sadly our young people are also very much aware that their abusers are most likely to be their romantic partners – boyfriends and girlfriends, or their peers and people in higher positions.
• Astonishingly, a very high percentage (96%) of those interviewed claimed to have been exposed to some kind of violent relationship.
• Predictably (at least for me), whilst young males are aware that physical violence is a no go area, they are less concerned about sexual abuse than their female counterparts.
• On the other hand young females consider sexual abuse more serious than physical abuse.
• Certain sexual behaviour that is not considered abusive by males is considered very abusive by females.
• The best piece of news is that it seems that we are also seeing a slight shift towards the recognition of the psychological and social effects of violent relationships. It seems that for today’s young people it’s not just about the bruises and the scars anymore.
• And finally, whilst some things change, so much remains the same - like our generation, and many many before us, fear remains the main reason why much abuse goes unreported. According to this study victims of abuse are still afraid to report their abusers for various reasons – either because they’re afraid that they will be judged, or that things will get worse, or that nothing will be done.

Always out bullies. Get out, stay out. Move on.

Sign up to our free newsletters

Get the best updates straight to your inbox:
Please select at least one mailing list.

You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the link in the footer of our emails. We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing.