I’m so glad we had a thoroughly thought-out and planned roadmap for this country. The sketchy details we were supplied with before the election got us all so excited off we went to order it and dumped all our GPS systems, Google maps and any old-fashioned printed garbage, especially those set out by the old charlatan Gonzi assisted by his band of crooks and cronies.

We had it all planned out for us by a young, energetic Joseph&Co. Off with the old and hurrah to the new. Now it was going to be the government-by-Movement that takes us by the hand and leads us out of the woods we had been led into.

Well, we are truly served right now and have it all planned and simple.

The energetic minister Dr Konrad Mizzi told a gathering of Enemalta employees that the corporation was, and I think still is, in dire straits. And that whoever leaves because of old age, early retirement or just plain boredom will not be replaced. In one of the much-publicised PAC comments by a former CEO, one Spiteri Gingell was quoted as saying that the corporation’s main headache was lack of proper personnel to look after its finances, make sure the money flowed and the accounting stuff was done by competent people. He claimed that even if this exercise cost millions it would save many more millions.

Now I don’t wish to ask Dr Mizzi to do what the former CEO advised but if I was an employee worth my salt, at whatever age in life I’d hear the minister and scram. Chinese whispers or not, a dying corporation will die or at the very least stop expanding and I know what my roadmap would say: get out and make a better life for yourself somewhere else. So the good ones will leave for a better future. The go-getters, if they are worth half their salt, will find employment easily. The rest, the ones who remain, are dead wood, or comatose at best.

Dr Mizzi also said that now the corporation is to embark on a business plan which, when concluded, they will present to our Chinese saviours who will decide what amount to dosh out to us and for what percentage of shares.

I’m sure Dr Mizzi is totally adept at these kinds of deals: he is after all married to Malta’s most enterprising and successful envoy, so the less he says and the less clear he is, the more cash and assistance will flow into our coffers. I thought they had it all planned out and now they claim they are going to work on a business plan?

Let’s consider some interesting facts about this famous roadmap. We were told that all was planned beforehand so wisely and thoughtfully, however now it’s become blatantly obvious that nothing was actually planned at all.

A pre-election promise (is that binding? If they fail will they be placed in a corner, tied to a pillar and all of us, switchers or not, can throw rotten eggs and rancid turnips at the ministers? Let’s do that let’s do that!) was made that said they will reduce our bills by 25%.

If they had no roadmap and no idea of the sums and we, or rather Enemalta, are hardly out of the woods yet, how in the worst devilish of ways did they work out the magical 25% reduction?

Was there some magician at hand who came up with that figure and has now disappeared together with the plans and wand?