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Best places to kiss in Malta

Baħrija’s rocky beach – “It’s so off the beaten track that by the time we reached it all sweaty and undefeated, snogging in the crystal clear water all by ourselves was the ultimate price.”

Baħrija’s rocky beach – “It’s so off the beaten track that by the time we reached it all sweaty and undefeated, snogging in the crystal clear water all by ourselves was the ultimate price.”

Parisians certainly know how to milk their romance cow. They have now published a city guide for lovers, under the name, The Best Places to Kiss in Paris, pointing them in the right directions for romantic rendezvous.

When I saw it, I thought: Hmm. If Parisians can do it, so can we.

I gathered my long-suffering friends, who dread Mondays not because they have to go back to work, but because they know they’re going to receive a ping from me, picking their brains and bossing them to take part in my unofficial ‘polls’ for this column.

But they took to this with great enthusiasm. (Apart from one who kept insisting that I should write about the worst places to kiss. “That’s what people want to read about!” he insisted. Nope, no one on a Sunday morning wants to read about kissing “on the Havana podium” or “in the ‘restrooms’ of Chick King circa 4am”, do they?).

For those who believe that kissing is a worthy art that needs just the right setting, then, where are Malta’s hidden spots for lovebirds? Where is our equivalent of the softly-lit Paris street lamp in the sunset hue?

By Wednesday afternoon, I had in hand a list of all the best spots for romping through all the clichés of romantic Malta. E-mails poured in, most starting with: “The most obvious place – Top of the World”.

Eh? I turned to my sunbathing friend in panic. Where is this place? How come I’ve never heard of it? “In the name of research,” I said to her, as I put on my cape, err, sarong, “we have to go now”.

And so it was that we drove all the way to Għargħur, and then a bit further out on the outskirts, and a bit further in. Judging by the look of the couple who had been quietly admiring sunset before our two cars skidded in, and two saronged and beach-haired women came out with five kids in tow – it was not really a good idea.

“ARE WE REALLY ON TOP OF THE WORLD?”; “IS THIS HIGHER THAN MOUNT EVEREST?”; “I CAN SEE SPLASH AND FUN FROM HERE!”; “WHY DON’T YOU EVER TAKE US TO SPLASH AND FUN?”; “LET’S GO THERE, THIS IS BORING!” cried the brood, who have yet to master the fine art of whispering. As we edged closer to admire the view, the couple fled.

Subsequently, I went again – to watch sunrise – and this time in company that was more respectful of the ambience. And reader, I can tell you it truly is a breathtaking scene. Top of the world – tick.

Here are the other spots that made it to the final list:

Upper Barrakka Gardens in the evening; Għajn Tuffieħa Tower, overlooking the bay at sunset or night time in summer; the Valletta breakwater bridge; Dingli cliffs, behind the chapel “the wind, the open space, the danger – oh”; on the bastions of Valletta and Mdina at night; the Barrakka lift; under the rose trellis at San Anton Gardens; “underwater – anywhere”; in a camp under St Lawrence’s shooting stars in August; Baħrija’s rocky beach – “It’s so off the beaten track that by the time we reached it all sweaty and undefeated, snogging in the crystal clear water all by ourselves was the ultimate price”; Mystique – the abandoned house of Marquis Scicluna in Madliena, which has “broken glass panes glittering a romantic setting”.

Gozo and Comino have their little spots too: on the Dwejra Arch at sunset or at night, “under the shimmering Milky Way”; Qbajjar, near salt pans – “it’s peaceful and the stars light the way”; in the water at Blue Lagoon; Calypso’s cave under the stars; and last but not least, the most topical of all: “kissing while cliff-diving at Cominotto – the embrace of death sort of kiss”.

Having said all this, I think the best kisses are the spontaneous ones. Scenic locations tend to put way too much pressure, I find. What if you’re there and you don’t feel like kissing? The tension is unnerving.

As a friend said, kissing should be “location-neutral”, so here are some of the best places for unplanned smooching:

I think the best kisses are the spontaneous ones. Scenic locations tend to put way too much pressure

“On a boat, when we ran out of fuel”; “On the rooftop, with no railings, against a backdrop of fireworks”; “At the Sliema ferries in the middle of the road, with cars hooting”; “Serkin at 3am, after sharing a Mars bar and a whisky (and we watched people brawling after)”; “On a roundabout”.

It’s the element of danger that fires up the moment I suppose. In fact, the hands-down winner of these daredevil smooches is the guy who “stopped the car in the middle of Regional Road” to kiss his girl. That beats a smooch under the Eiffel Tower, anytime.

Tweet your favourite kissing location to @KrisChetcuti.

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