Now that rock songs were not allowed to unravel Maltese society at the Nadur Carnival, I wish to lodge a formal complaint with the Police Commissioner.

A police inspector originally told this newspaper that he intended to vet song lists for 'offensive' or 'vulgar' language. However, he reassured your journalist, the men in blue would not be vetting 'well-known' songs. He doesn't need to see the lyrics of Stairway to Heaven, added the inspector, the epitome of cool.

On behalf of the Xirka Devoti tar-Rock, I wish to reclaim Led Zeppelin's classic song from the police and reverently place it back in our canon of devil music. Stairway to Heaven contains the line "It's just a spring clean for the May Queen", a clear reference to a poem by occultist Aleister Crowley.

In addition, Jimmy Page, Zeppelin's guitarist, was the owner of Crowley's former home at Loch Ness and when performing the song he used to wear bell bottoms with a serpent emblazoned on them. Surely, no further proof of the devil's work in the song is required.

But there is an inverted cross on the cake. As many Christian groups around the world, particularly rural America, have noted, if you play Stairway backwards you will hear satanic messages.

In light of the above, we at the Xirka are insulted and hurt by the Police Commissioner's implication that Stairway to Heaven is not satanic and therefore not offensive.

Should such behaviour repeat itself we shall petition the European Court of Human Rights to defend our right to worship the devil in music. Rock rules.