I am, quite frankly, incensed at the stupidity and insensitivity of those morons who criticised the man from Mosta for keeping an endangered Bengal tiger in his home. Where else was the poor chap going to keep it... in the boot of his car?

And here and now I must declare an interest in this most delicate subject; you see, for years, I, Sylvanus, have been conserving so-called wild animals at home in my humble abode. So I see absolutely nothing wrong in giving a home to creatures perceived as dangerous by some ill-informed idiots.

Yes indeed, my modest terraced house in downtown Attard has been a home from home for a wide range of four (and a few two) legged friends. For instance... upstairs in my guest bedroom (I never put up guests) is a small, but perfectly formed, pack of Siberian wolves. Oh I know that wolves have a reputation for vicious behaviour, but I would totally refute this.

During the four years that my personal pack has bred and thrived... not one human being has ever been attacked by one of my wolves. On the contrary, they are positively cuddly. Not that I've ever got close enough to find out, but whenever I have flung their daily meal of char-broiled postman, or grilled prime grocery delivery boy down the feeding chute and into their lair... not once have I been attacked... yet.

Naturally, not everyone is happy with the fact that I am keeping untamed wolves in domestic accommodation and I'll admit that when the whole pack starts howling at around 4.30 a.m. it can be a little disturbing, but it's naught compared with the din my lions kick up when I'm a few minutes late with their lunch.

Didn't I mention that I also kept some big cats in my back yard? And before anybody moans about the fact, I assure you they are both secure and clean... in fact, I mucked them out myself just last February.

So I see absolutely no reason whatsoever why supposedly wild and untamed animal species can't be kept under domestic conditions, so long as one is both prudent and humane. For instance, nobody can or should complain about the few crocodiles I keep in the ensuite bathroom. They love it there and are far better off than wallowing in some filthy, disease-ridden tropical swamp. Then there is the herd of bison down in my kantina, the hyenas in the loft, the vultures on the roof, a few pet white rhinos on the upstairs terrace, the piranhas in the fish pond and the yeti in the downstairs WC.

Oh yes, and we have also got probably the finest collection of pythons and boa constrictors outside of Swieqi.

Sure, I'll admit that the 27 wildebeest in the conservatory occasionally - very occasionally - get a little boisterous, but nothing compared with a kindergarten classroom full of untamed and untameable six-year-olds.

Similarly, I'll agree that my wife did get a little twitchy when the hammerhead sharks in the swimming pool started to breed. But, as I said to her: They are positively serene when I think of the chaos and mayhem that ensues when her sister's children splash about in it at the weekend. So why all this fuss about one measly little Bengal tiger in somebody's garage? It's crazy... besides, if they are making a fuss about that I wonder what they'd make of the fact that at one time I had a large colony of vampire bats in my barumbara. They are actually delicious lightly grilled on both sides and tossed in a piquant béarnaise sauce.

So let's hear no more about that domesticated tiger please. And it is with this poor persecuted creature in mind that I am setting up a brand new charity to protect the rights of those of us who wish to keep untamed animals in our very own domestic surroundings.

Therefore, anyone sympathetic to our cause, please send all donations (nothing under €500 please) to my new charity: Caring for Harmless Animals Outside Zoos (CHAOZ). Care of: The Orthopaedic Wing, Mater Dei Hospital.