My article of November 14, 2009 had criticised a school for naming a room “psycho-social therapy room” with a large sign, as it labelled children visiting this facility. I had also mentioned my correspondence with Paul Cooper, psychologist and professor of education at the University of Leicester, who had agreed with me stating in no uncertain terms that “it is usually better to choose more neutral words”. Prof. Cooper was also invited to Malta as an expert.
Hardly had the paint of this terrible sign dried, so to speak, when, some time ago, I heard an opinion which declared that “unloved children are tomorrow’s criminals”.
I have never come across anything more clumsy and callous for, suppose this were true, which it is not, is an article supposed to holler it into children’s minds through public pronouncements? What effect will this incredible public statement have on children who feel or think they are unloved?
They are simply brainwashed into believing that, since they are unloved, it is natural they will become criminals.
People who make such statements probably and unwittingly do so in order to attract attention to the lack of interest society shows towards children who feel unloved through unfortunate circumstances that are no fault of theirs. I may be giving this unfortunate opinion the benefit of the doubt, but insensitive statements of this type will crush once more those children who already feel crushed. I do hope nobody will make these statements, even if with good intentions, as children learning about this opinion are conditioned into believing it as their inevitable destiny.
I was once discussing education with a group of educators when somebody said it is not enough for an educator to teach students as these must also be loved at all levels of their education. Incredibly, two educators, who should know better, tried to ridicule this person, as if the love of young people must only be dispensed in the family. This is wrong for two reasons: not all families give love to their children and, also, young people can find love in other places apart from their family.
Those who do not love young people should not dream of becoming educators. Some may say the love of young people is not the role of educational establishments. Wrong! It is obvious young people learn much more when they feel loved by their educators. Besides, they also feel that, if their family love is insufficient or non-existent, they are receiving love from other places, which treat them as young human beings not as containers into which instruction is thrust.
Secondly, while a teacher’s love for his students is indispensible, there is another duty of the educator to influence students to love one another. A news item recently spoke of a child who was very reluctant to go to school as he felt scared by his teacher. It is hoped this matter was remedied, especially by encouraging this “educator” to find another job. Not feeling loved in class was bad enough but actually being scared is the limit.
Having established that a child must feel his teacher cares for him, it is also important he is made to feel his schoolmates care for him too. Is this a natural phenomenon? Not always. Children do not necessarily, maybe due to an insensitive family upbringing, and spontaneously go out of their way to make their mates feel accepted. Thus, the teaching of caring inside a class and inside a school is a must.
First of all, how is this not done? Children seeing others make mistakes may tend to laugh at them as an inferiority complex camouflaged by a superiority complex or simply to be a teacher’s pet. This is quite common even in adult life and in Malta it is called “the bażużlu phenomenon”. I have seen this happening everywhere: some people tend to show total adoration of superiors, politicians, ambassadors, rectors etc. as they wrongly feel it may result in some consideration in return.
Above, we have already come across two cases within the same structure where children experience the love of others for them. So much for the wrong assumption that “unloved children are tomorrow’s criminals”. Children may also experience love in structures such as clubs, churches, scouts, sports teams etc. This adds to the caring they receive at home or replaces it to some extent where it does not exist. A child may also compensate by having a high opinion of himself.
The message we need to send to children who have little love at home is that they are not consequently excluded from this humane reality everywhere – and that they certainly will not be criminals if home is not warm enough.
Dr Licari is a researcher in multiculturalism.