Just when you thought the summer was already hot enough, up popped the Hon. Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando, his Private Member's Bill clutched in his hot little hand, with the other yanking the rug from under the Leader of the Opposition's feet while simultaneously lobbing a little (but only a little) gently ticking bomb in the general direction of the Nationalist Party.

Oh well, it makes a nice change from that blinking German octopus, which, by the time you read this, will probably have become stuffat tal-qarnit (octopus stew). I mean, think about it, the poor cephalopod mollusk is on a hiding to nothing and then some. If Germany are playing this afternoon, he (do octopi have gender?) will be blamed for predicting the defeat, while if they're playing tomorrow, the beast from the deep will have got it wrong and, therefore, be of no use to anyone, except as nourishment.

I'm writing this on Wednesday before the Germany - Spain game and I'm not about to re-open the doc.file and change anything in a couple of hours time, incidentally.

But to get back to JPO and his introduction of the shocking notion that (cover your mouth) divorce needs to be discussed like grown-ups ought to discuss it, you have to come to the conclusion that there's a fat chance of that happening.

Or, more precisely, there's not, just so I'm not misunderstood.

I'm sure that our honourable members of the House are serious when they say that they welcome the idea that the subject will have to be discussed maturely and calmly but then the equation is immediately skewed because people start making remarks about electoral mandates and "the people" needing to be consulted.

Let's divert ourselves a tiny bit on the last point, shall we? To be entirely clear: If a referendum is proposed, I shall be voting yes (and not to the question "Do you think we should not introduce divorce?" either) however many fatwe (plural of fatwa) are proclaimed by the mullahs or the fefayeen or whoever. I shall also be doing my level best, by means of this column and my blog, to promote the idea that you, the people, should vote yes too.

This is not to say, however, that I think that this is a question that should be put to the great unwashed, myself included. This is not because the electorate is not entitled to its opinion; it's because the electorate is not entitled to impose its opinion on me (or on anyone else) when the issue is one that is entirely personal.

And let's not have any guff about divorce destroying the fabric of society and such like balderdash, shall we?

Egoistic materialism fuelled by inane aspirational television, for example, destroys the fabric of society: people getting a divorce and putting their affairs in order when their marriage breaks down (as opposed to resorting to hypocritical convolutions) does not.

Divorce being available, as I have written at probably nauseating length, does not make it mandatory. It does not ruin families: marriages breaking down ruin families and the stresses are certainly not helped by the above referred to hypocritical convolutions.

Divorce being available for people who choose to resort to it, therefore, is not something that should concern the electorate as a mass, especially when everyone and his brother is going to be spouting forth from on high and invoking interpretations of various scriptures to put the fear of God into people. My neighbour getting unhitched affects me about as much as his getting hitched in the first place, clearly, though not according to certain types, for whom what goes on in other people's bedrooms is of paramount importance.

To put it bluntly, and if you want confirmation take a look at the comments under the various stories about the subject, this is not going to be a discussion about when to introduce a means that allows a civilised disengagement between people no longer able to live with each other and whose consciences allow them to adopt. It's going to be a debate conducted by megaphone between two entirely irreconcilable positions: the one that allows people to live their own lives according to their own beliefs (mine) and the one that insists that people conduct themselves only in a manner that pleases their interlocutors (the others').

What do we want? Divorce. When do we want it? Now.

And, in conclusion, might I recommend that when in Gozo, as you probably will be at some point over the summer, you make the effort to drive down to Xlendi? Just follow the yellow diversion signs from Victoria and you can enjoy a coffee at the St Patrick's (talk about great location), a snack at C7 and a larger intake of calories at any of the other places that populate the place.

It's worth the effort.

imbocca@gmail.com

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