If there's such a thing as a swearometer, it would probably be working excessively at this time of year, with the pointing arrow constantly reaching extreme heights. It's the heat. August makes us all go on one big ferragosto swear-trip.

But we needn't be made to feel guilty any more because, thankfully, science is now on our (foul mouth's) side. Swearing is good, say scientists. It helps us deal with pain.

British psychologist Richard Stephens, who hit his thumb with a hammer while building a garden shed, was inspired to analyse this, um, particular aspect of human behaviour: why do we utter expletives when we hurt ourselves?

Stephens asked 64 students from Keele University to plunge their hands into buckets of icy water while bellowing their chosen curse. The experiment was then repeated without the cursing. The results were pretty clear: on average, a person could keep his or her hand submerged for two minutes while swearing, compared with one minute, 15 seconds while uttering a neutral word.

The findings suggest that swearing switches us into aggressive mode, triggering the fight-or-flight response, which gives us the necessary adrenaline to deal better with hard times (in this case, a frozen hand).

Therefore, Stephens gives his (sore) thumbs-up to swearing because it serves a physiological function and this, he says, might explain why cursing has been around for centuries. Hmm. Actually, I suspect longer than that - do you seriously believe Adam and Eve were the epitome of politeness after the apple-eating incident?

So, finally, we are given the go-ahead. We don't need to be so hung up about swearing. The question is: is swearing offensive? Now, that's not the same as asking: is swearing rude? Because everyone agrees it is.

It's not even the same as asking: is blasphemy offensive? Because everyone again agrees that, yes, it is very offensive and upsets people who hold dear their religious values. The Irish government is in fact planning to introduce fines of up to €25,000 for anyone caught blaspheming - now there's an idea for boosting our deficit.

However, why would using a rude word - in a context of course, not say, when you're meeting your in-laws - be considered to be an offensive act? I wouldn't bring up my child to swear, but would I really mind when she inevitably did? No. Actually, speaking from experience, I think it is healthy to be able to utter a couple of rude words in the right context.

I was brought up in a 'swearless', Maltese-speaking household. That, added to the fact that I went to a convent school, meant that my exposure to swearing was mainly through books, in English.

Ironically, Maltese friends who speak English at home have the capacity to swear profusely in Maltese. But, I, thanks to Roddy Doyle and his likes, could swear in English, albeit only in my heart of hearts. It took long years for the words to make the little trip from my mind and make their way out loud.

In desperate situations which desperately called for an expletive, I usually found myself in manner of goldfish, opening and closing my mouth, till my inner-Catholic kicked in and I would start uttering expressions such as "Holy Saint!", "Lord have Mercy!", Aggrrrh. I might as well have made the sign of the cross and said: "Mass will start in five minutes."

Proper swearing (spoken out loud not in inner monologue), I was later to discover, not only relieves pain, as scientists claim, it also helps to get things off your chest.

I also believe that four-lettered words come in handy in fantastically beautiful instants where a 'Wow!' wouldn't do justice to the wonderful emotions of the moment. Say, you've just reached the Ngorongoro crater and you've got below you the most stupefying, stupendous, breathtaking scene. Nothing you say would do except a swear word.

Or if you've just seen Almodovar's latest mind-blowing film? A phowar! and a tiny curse would explain it all.

You know, if we considered no word as offensive, then gradually, saying four-lettered words would be just like saying 'oopsy daisy'. And people who want to hurt each other's feelings will have to say what they mean: "I have made an enormous emotional investment in football.

"I ask you to understand that your team's victory has filled me with hate for you because you represent that team!"

Recently, David Cameron, leader of the Conservative Party in the UK, was forced to apologise after swearing during a live radio interview He told thousands of breakfast show listeners: "The public are rightly, I think, p****d off - sorry, I can't say that in the morning - angry with politicians." Sigh. If only our politicians ever sounded so remotely real - or are they really so incredibly deft with their hammers?