Do you remember the legend of Midas, King of Pessinus, who was known for his magnificent rose garden, love of life and hospitality? In fact, his hospitality landed him in trouble when, as a reward for caring for Silenus, Dionysus offered to grant him one wish. Midas chose the golden touch. To test his new power he touched a tree and it turned into gold. What excitement, what power, what wealth, what an easy life, Midas thought.

The thrill was, however, short-lived when his beautiful roses lost their fragrance and natural beauty as they turned to gold. He soon discovered that he could neither eat nor drink as his meals tuned into solid gold. And his mistaken choice for greed and an easy life turned into deep grief when he touched and killed his daughter. Midas begged Dionysus to take away his horrible gift.

This legend reminds me of some parents' wish to make their children's life easy by making sure they have more than they really need, by giving in to all their whims and fancies, and avoid letting them really work. Instead of the golden touch they exert the spoilt touch, which is just as detrimental, but they do not realise the negative effect it is having.

Childhood can be skewed either by being overburdened or under- burdened. Both can leave a negative imprint on a child's development. An overburdened childhood could be the result of unrealistic expectations, perfectionism, increased pressures or responsibilities that are not age appropriate, over-ambitious parents, neglect, abuse, or extreme poverty.

However, if the parents viewed the difficulties that their children encounter as challenges instead of as problems it might help increase their children's resilience and ability to face life without succumbing to its pressure.

Facing and overcoming challenges leads to growth. It also means enhancing the child's sense of self-worth. Children need adults' help, for example encouragement, support, and a positive environment, to achieve this.

What is spoilt childhood? To answer this question, one first needs to understand the significance of childhood and parents' or educators' role in it.

A simple definition is that childhood is a gradual training ground for adulthood. During early childhood, children are prepared to survive and thrive in society. A sound holistic development forms citizens who contribute towards their own good and that of others. In fact, children face most of the joys and difficulties adults face. Only the dimensions are different.

To give some parallel examples let us look at the world of work. Adults work, have responsibilities and are supposed to be accountable for their behaviour and output at the workplace. For very young children, play can be work too: they learn to cooperate, be responsible and accountable for their behaviour to make choices and shoulder the consequences of their choices.

Going to school is supposed to be work on the academic, social, emotional, and spiritual level. When children are held responsible and accountable for their school tasks and progress, much more learning takes place. So what happens when parents or educators take over this responsibility and accountability and try to make life as easy as possible? Children might learn that reaching personal goals and hard work are not related, but manipulation is.

In adolescence, they might even doubt their ability to reach goals and visions if others can do it for them. Life so far might have taught them that others can do it for them. How can children believe in themselves and test their limits if all they do is walk on red carpets? It does not take a mastermind to imagine what challenges are going to be created for these children when they turn into adults and have to face the workplace.

Another example of this important childhood training is in the social sphere. Parents and educators are faced with daily issues of peer conflicts, 'best friends' losses, or not having friends at all, teasing, and other socially-based difficulties. Sometimes, adults take over the responsibilities of settling these issues instead of guiding children to gain the coping skills necessary to develop a solution-based attitude, and build self-confidence. Another negative pattern sets in together with the concept that 'others should solve my problems!' Since most of our conflicts are socially embedded, this is training we can ill-afford to miss out on.

The same could be said for lack of training in emotional development. We might want our children to be 'always happy' and overprotect them so much they do not even have the vocabulary to describe their emotions. Disappointments are a part of life for all of us, whatever the age. Being disappointed is not a problem in itself, but how a disappointment is perceived and dealt with might cause a problem. Are overprotected children happy or spoilt?

So going back to the original question, one can say that spoilt childhood happens when the appropriate holistic development of a child is missed. Many times this happens because of a lack of awareness by adults who are caring for children. A feeling of acceptance and belonging creates a learning, loving environment. This is required in whatever setting the child finds him or herself in.

Children grow fast and missing out on mastering important skills and values means being robbed of vital training. A missed childhood could mean lack of preparation for adult life. One has to bear in mind that the role of the parents and educators is to work themselves out of their job. This means raising capable, confident and independent young people who believe in themselves and can stand on their own two feet.

It is only when individuals feel competent enough to practise these vital skills that sound characters and societies are built. Developing social interests or a community feeling helps build social harmony. Children are born with this potential but it needs to be nurtured in early childhood.

A sound psychological development can be seen in the level of social interest a person has. A very important maxim to remember is that we carry our childhood all our lives.

callus@maltanet.net