Angie Amato and Maxine Aquilina, who both lost their mothers in their 20s, know “it is OK not to be OK”, especially around Christmastime.
“It’s a time when you’re expected to be happy but I definitely didn’t feel that way last year after losing my mother, Jackie, to cancer. We put up the same Christmas decorations as in previous years but although the house was full there was a huge part missing,” Ms Aquilina recalled.
When trying to socialise in the months following her 55-year-old mother’s death, deep down, she wished she was elsewhere.
For Ms Amato, who lost her mother Josette, 56, in 2014 to a brain tumour, spending Christmas with relatives makes the festive season a bit more bearable.
The two are now honouring the memory of their mothers by setting up an NGO called Jays of Sunshine.
Through the organisation and with the help of Puttinu Cares they help fulfil dreams of children and young people undergoing treatment in the Rainbow Ward. Apart from asking each patient for their wish list, Ms Amato and Ms Aquilina also spend time with the children and their families, doing whatever they love to do. They urged others to make memories with their loved ones.
You realise how fragile we all are
Ms Amato recalled how her family took her ailing mother to Taormina, one of her favourite places, and when she could no longer venture out, family and friends surrounded her, making memories by just being there with her.
“Losing a parent is horrible. You feel like you’ve been robbed of time that you could have spent with them. Instead, you are left with a fresh understanding of what life is and you realise how fragile we all are,” Ms Aquilina added.
Do not let it reach a point where they are ill to cherish your parents. Memories, after all, were all that remained, she remarked.
Asked for advice for those grieving their parents, they urged: “don’t do it alone”. Both found great support in therapy, even though they were sceptical at first.
“Through therapy, I realised I was going through a normal process and that I would be feeling this way for some time. It’s been 15 months now and, sometimes, I’m on the floor while at other times I’m flying high,” Ms Aquilina admitted.
She continued: “You try to be strong, happy, and normal. You go back to work and try keep up with people. I know it’s the cheesiest phrase but it’s ok not to be ok. It took me a whole year to realise that and it was a mental breakdown that stopped me in my tracks.”
For Ms Amato it has been four years and every year is harder than before, especially now that her mother is missing from her major milestones such as moving into her own place.
Whether you are going through a difficult time similar to the one Ms Amato and Ms Aquilina experienced or you would like to help them with their Jays of Sunshine venture you can get in touch on info@jaysofsunshine.com or by looking up the Facebook page called Jays of Sunshine.