It's that time of year... the silly season. I should explain that this means the S-S for the media and in particular... the print media. During July and August most news editors despair of finding anything at all newsworthy on our islands, so they consequently send as many of their newsroom staff out on leave as can be spared.

The great journalistic dodge during this time of year is to opt for the question mark headline. You know the sort of thing: "Malta escapes earthquake horror?" Well, did we or didn't we? The canny news editor isn't saying.

Or: "Large fish sighted off Malta." This usually comes complete with fuzzy amateur photo of said piscine. The question left hanging in the air is obviously: Well, was it a killer whale, great white shark or merely a basking dolphin? Or even just a glitch on the camera lens. You get the idea.

So we at the Sylvanus desk, ever anxious to assist, decided to help out all our strapped-for-news journalists and editors and have dreamt up some juicy silly-season headlines... for the use of!

Celeb headers can usually be relied on to sell a few newspapers. Try these for size: "Tom Cruise to film in Malta?"

Note the subtle use of the question mark there. Actually, there doesn't have to be a grain of truth in the story... which is naturally pure speculation from header to postscript. But the story will have achieved its main aim (to fill a space on the front page).

Later, when Mr Cruise does not in fact materialise on our shores, everyone will have forgotten all about the original hoo-ha anyway.

Still on the subject of celeb headers. This is surely the ultimate one: "Is Elvis Presley alive and well and living incognito on Gozo?" Again note the strategic siting of the question mark.

And what about: "Osama Bin Laden... the Malta connection?" Then there's that perennial chestnut: "Offshore Malta: Oil present in vast quantities, says OPEC expert". Absolutely true.

You don't have to say how far offshore. The seas around New Guinea are definitely offshore Malta... a hell of a long way offshore it's true, but off shore nonetheless.

To be frank, speculation on whether there are or are not mega-barrels of Maltese oil out there somewhere has probably run its course. But it's still worth a punt during the lazy, hazy days of the silly season.

The possibilities are endless at this time of the year, (Tell that to your friendly neighbourhood news editor) but if you're really stuck for a lead story you can always hark back to Malta's favourite "news" story, the Eurovision Song Contest, with rubbish like: "Serbian ESC judge says: 'Maybe Malta should have won'" That ought to get the juices flowing in Eurovision land... Peppi Azzopardi may even build a whole edition of Xarabank around it (it wouldn't be the first time).

It's not a bad idea to give politics and politicians a rest at this time of year. Even their headline hijacking ability pales after a while. But, if needs must, then why not try the sort of header that bleats: "Opposition confident of landslide".

You needn't even employ the strategic question mark for that one. And it still leaves open the question, what sort of landslide? At the polls... on Maghtab dump?

But back to question marks for the really sensational silly-season headers. Try: "EU sensation! Will Gozo opt out?" Some people might say they thought they already had... but why ruin a good story with facts?

Or banner headers screaming: "Gonzi to resign?" Only when you read the piece do you discover that the 'Gonzi' in question is not our benighted PM but the treasurer of Benghajsa Brutalisers football club, a certain Reuben Gonzi, who may... or may not have had his hand in the till.

But if you really want to shake the populace out of its summer lethargy, what about leading with: "Will Malta become an Islamic Republic?"

Answers on a postcard please.