Today's readings: Acts 22, 3-16; Mark 16, 15-18.
The Gospel is about change - around us and in us. Today's feast focuses on the change that occurred in Paul, an extraordinary man and apostle of Christianity. His conversion was a powerful 'bright light' experience which made him see everything in its right perspective and marked the whole of Christianity. It echoes the 'signs' mentioned in today's text from Mark, signs that always accompany believers.
In life's journeys, many times we remain too closed in on ourselves and our needs. Digging deep into ourselves and coming to terms with who we are is undoubtedly a very important stage in our turning to God. But Paul's conversion shows us the right path to follow. He was surrounded by a bright light that came suddenly from outside, not from within, and he does not ask 'Who am I?' but 'Who are you, Lord?'
This is the basic question we fail to ask. And this is why our conversions are short-lived. True conversion is never the result of what we do to better our lives. To decide to follow the Lord in life is not like deciding to stop smoking. The latter is a matter of will, determination, inner strength. The former is something of a radically different nature. While we may be aware of what we are not finding in life, we may be unable to get up and start walking in the right direction.
An Episcopalian theologian, R.R.Reno, who recently became a Catholic, and wrote extensively about his conversion and struggle to come to terms with what actually changed in him, said: "I do not think I changed my mind about theology or ecclesiology or the fate of Christianity in the modern world." In today's first reading from Acts, the voice Paul hears when he fell to the ground said: "Get up and go into Damascus, and there you will be told everything that God has determined for you to do." "I was blind," affirms Paul, "and so my companions took me by the hand and led me into Damascus".
In an authentic journey of faith, being led by the hand means being guided by God, not us. St Augustine confesses: "You pierced my heart with the arrow of your love." In the spiritual life it's not a question of braving storms and clouds. We may recall Kierkegaard's leap of faith. The soul needs to be enlightened by light from outside itself.
It explains further why Paul was sent to Ananias, who may represent the Church in our journey of faith. In the way we argue today, our personal journeys and our belonging to the Church never seem to cross. The Church may often put us off. And rightly so. But it is the Mother Church who continues to give birth to new children of God.
The spiritual arrows of divine love that Augustine speaks of take the form of real people and concrete circumstances in life, all providentially ordered by God to shape our lives. The shaping of our identities is the Holy Spirit's work, not ours. For John Henry Newman, another convert, the basis of Christian life is not our longing; it is "the visible Church, with sacraments and rites which are channels of invisible grace".
Paul, as a Jew and student of Gamaliel, was staunchly dedicated to his ideas. But his test was to decide his loyalty - whether to his theory or to the God who was speaking. The great theologian Henri de Lubac wrote one of the greatest theology books of the century The Splendour of the Church when he was suffering for his ideas at the hands of the Church. In it, he recalls the story of a priest who, shortly after apostatising, said to a visitor who was about to congratulate him: "From now onward I am no more than a philosopher - in other words, a man alone".