It has become fashionable for grey eminences to express the idea that it's time to bring on the Second Republic. Desmond Zammit Marmara, for instance, put this very thought to print a few days ago, in his usual apparently erudite way, though he undermines this "erudition" beyond redemption by saying that Mintoff is arguably the best Prime Minister Malta ever had.

I get the impression that DZM pines for a smoke-filled room in Nineteenth Century Paris, where he and like-minded individuals would discuss earth shattering philosophies and put the world generally to rights, while outside in the rain, the rest of us poor peasants would get on with our lives, simply existing until the intellectual men of the Left deign to rescue us from our dour fate.

Another of the self-proclaimed intellectuals of the Left, none other than Joseph Muscat, current Leader of the Opposition, has flown this kite too, to what end we are left wondering, just as we are about his fifty-one pies in the sky masquerading as answers to the nation's questions. Dr Muscat proposes a national debate, to cover such things as neutrality; separation between Church and state; changes to the method of appointment of the President of the Republic; giving more real power to the Presidency; strengthening the autonomy of Parliament; a new electoral law; changes regarding the judiciary and reforming the broadcasting sector.

I lifted the list from Zammit Marmara's piece, lest anyone accuses me of Nikitaism.

We need a National Conference to discuss these things?

Let's see.

Neutrality: an outmoded concept that had its genesis in a Cold War that is consigned to history, gathering cobwebs. The war now is against terrorism or thuggish states, in which we can't afford to be neutral.

Separation of Church and State: no discussion needed, it should be adopted as our national religion.

Changes to the method of appointment of the President: excuse me, is another election being proposed here? Don't we already have enough and anyway we're not talking about the Presidents of France or the United States, who are different kettles of Constitutional fish altogether.

Giving more real power to the Presidency: excuse me, again? Why? And incidentally, the phrase "giving more" implies that there already are "real powers" attached to the Presidency, which is not the case, so let's be careful what we wish for, shall we?

Strengthening the autonomy of Parliament: pray tell, how more autonomous (which is an absolute concept, like virginity, so anyway it can't really be strengthened) can the House be? Just ask the PM.

A new electoral law: as in one which does what? Democracy is a simple concept, and needs little messing around with, though you can see where eternal losers might be coming from.

Changes regarding the judiciary: not a bad thing to be discussing, but you don't need a Second Republic, you just need a political party with the gumption to take things out of the political arena and agree to discuss the changes necessary.

Reforming the broadcasting sector: how, by banning having an opinion? Giving more power to the thought police?

It's not a Second Republic we need, just a lightness of touch being applied to the one we have.