The hoary joke tells about the party host who asks his guest to ring the bell with their elbows so he'd know they would have arrived; most people who invite others over for drinks and canapés expect them to come bearing gifts. This, of course is the tricky part, especially if your Valentine's Day celebrations will be a tête-à-tête affair rather than a stilted family meal.

Appearing mean will brand you immediately and delegate you to the list of also-rans. But going over the top may embarrass your partner, who would have not bought you as expensive a gift. It might even label you as a show-off.

Giving a gift requires finesse. One might say "it's the thought that counts" - but when the thought is regarded as stingy, or presumptive, or raunchy, or in any way displeasing to the person receiving it... there will be trouble ahead.

• A cellular telephone - preferably with enough credit to last till Kingdom Come - is appreciated by techies into gadgets. The paranoid, on the other hand, might think you want to keep tabs on them.

• Avoid giving lingerie, unless you know specifically which brand and size to give, and you are on intimate terms with the recipient.

• Items of clothing are to be avoided - unless they are given with the receipt so that they may be exchanged if it is so desired. If you don't want to reveal how much you have spent - don't do it.

• Books make wonderful gifts for the voracious reader who can never have enough of them, especially if they are in one's favourite genre... or a rare First edition. They are usually a safe bet - unless the recipient would have been expecting something less generic.

• Charitable donations in someone else's name were all the rage some time ago. However, most people still prefer to make their own donations. And this is likely to earn you a couple of dirty looks, as well.

• Chocolate is the gift you give to sisters-in-law and school teachers. For Valentine's Day, only the hand-crafted artisan type will do. You can share it there and then, or save it for another day.

• Fine wines or spirits make nice gifts - only for friends and acquaintances. But a good wine makes a good "additional" gift.

• Games - whether they are good old-fashioned board games, or console ones, put the relationship on a "playful" or even "platonic" level. Is this what you want?

• Gift vouchers carry a baggage of meanings. Either the person is too finicky and hard to please; or you didn't make time to select an appropriate gift. Either you are trying to be impersonal - or you want her to know exactly how much she's worth to you.

• Giving jewellery is a moot point. Are you sure the bracelet, ring, or necklaces are the correct size? Is the style akin to what the person already wears? Will a ring give the wrong message? Will she be angry that it's not the engagement ring she was expecting? Does anyone wear monogrammed cufflinks any more - except to his own wedding?

• Hobbies could provide an idea for a gift; reading, craftwork, gardening, computer games - all would be appreciated by someone who is keen on that particular pastime. Again, this might be misconstrued. Such a gift could indicate that you are taking a partner "for granted"... This is dangerous, even if you have been married for some time.

• Home baking or cooking is appreciated. However, it is rude to expect the dish to be consumed on the occasion - unless the host would have specifically asked for it to be provided "because nobody does it better".

• Magazine subscriptions are always welcome. However, it is wise to make an arrangement with the stationery for an exchange, if it is warranted. It would be a good idea to gift-wrap the latest issue, and pay for the rest, including the receipt with the gift. And make sure to joke about how now you are sure the recipient will think of you at least once a month. Never make this the ‘main' gift.

• Most people would appreciate a tiny basket with a selection of themed gifts - these need not all be stationery, or edibles, or toiletries - you can go by colour or by theme.... with a fairly expensive trinket hidden somewhere inside it.

• Never give perfume, unless it is the signature scent of the recipient. Wars have been fought over less.

• Soft toys come in all shapes, sizes, and colours. Designer ones may be part of a collection - but sometimes a specific character, or animal, will have a special message to impart. Let's hope it's the right one.

• Some women (and men) delight in being pampered - others may think it is a direct affront, given their fixation about crow's feet and love handles. Tread lightly on this one.

• Speciality coffees or teas, or gourmet cheeses, will be a hit if the recipient is known to use them. Otherwise, they will probably be left to deteriorate until they are re-gifted or thrown away. Something personal in between the layers of tissue will make this gift more acceptable.

• Watch what you're doing! Giving a timepiece when your partner is always late is just asking for trouble... even if it's a diamond-studded designer piece. In the olden days, however, it was just the gift to give before asking to be formally engaged to someone, when you would automatically be expected to shell out a month's salary on a diamond ring.

• Roses... they may be corny, they may be trite, they may be traditionalistic or even made of silk with faux dewdrops - but most women, and an increasing number of men, expect at least one, whether or not its stalk lies within the circlet of a ring, or whether it stands alone or comes attached to any one of the above.