"So, how was your flight minister?"

"Yes, very er... very..."

"Smooth, I trust. As I believe I mentioned this model is equipped with the very latest communications and navigational technology and..."

"Yes, it's certainly..."

"State-of-the-art? Of course. I know I shouldn't say this but... you couldn't have made a better choice. That is assuming you have made your choice..."

"Well I..."

"As I said to Gordon Brown just the other day. Er... that's Gordon Brown the British prime minister."

"Yes, I do know who Gordon Brown is. Malta may be small, but we are not totally insular."

"Yes, of course, forgive me. But if I may blow our company's trumpet just a little..."

"Ha! I'd say you were blowing it a lot, if I may observe."

"Ha, ha. As I was saying... as I said to Gordon just the other day: 'Gordon, mate, if you purchase this baby, you will have something not even Barack Obama has."

"Oh yes and what's that?"

"I said: 'Gor' you'll have the British government's very own personal, private jet."

"What about Air Force One?"

"Oh come now minister. By its very name it denies the president ownership. That belongs to the US air force and - or so I have it on very good authority - and they could ask for it back at any moment. And where would that leave the President of the United States, eh?"

"Having to fly by Air Force Two, one assumes."

"Exactly, and have you seen Air Force Two?"

"Er no I... "

"And you don't want to. With respect minister, it is - shall we say - not quite what Air Force One. In short it's a tin-can biplane that runs on lighter fuel. No, this is the plane for you, for Malta, I mean."

"But in these days of recession, we have to watch every penny."

"I couldn't agree more."

"If I do decide to invest public money in this... essential tool, it will not be a rich man's toy or plaything. Oh no, we - the Maltese government - would like to purchase an executive jet aircraft in order to increase efficiency and to make the other EU capitals more accessible to government ministers."

"Absolutely minister. And especially to the minister for fiscal blunders."

"Yes... I mean yes - as well."

"And you'll find it's particularly handy for getting to and from Uefa League football matches."

"Really? Not that I..."

"No, of course minister... um, which team do you support?"

"Me? I side with Tottenham Hots... that is totally irrelevant. Like I say, this aircraft... if we do decide to invest in it, will most certainly not, I repeat not, be a rich man's..."

"Quite! Incidentally I side with Spurs too. Do you think we've got any chance of winning the Premier League this year?"

"Not a prayer, no. With all our centre halves out injured as well as... I, ahem. Let's get back to business, shall we."

"Definitely. I don't want to get too technical, but a quick glance at the instrument panel and what do we see?"

"Just a lot of dials and what looks like a sat-nav."

"Looks like one, yes. But this particular aircraft is in fact fitted with a state-of-the-art device called not a sat-nav, but a spat-nav."

"Elaborate."

"Sure. See the keyboard beneath it."

"Yes."

"All you have to do is type in the name of the opposing team and - in literally two seconds - the spat-nav will come up with the appropriate obscene chant."

"Amazing."

"Isn't it. Oh yes and also in the passenger cabin you will see a plasma screen TV. What more could any ambitious politician want?"

"Harumph, yes well. Now the million dollar question. How much will this lot set me back?"

"Minister, for you... I can let you have this, the most advanced executive jet flying today and tomorrow for a knock-down price of just $7 million."

"Is that all!? Fantastic, I'll take two."