Today Sylvanus asks the question on everybody's lips. When is a biodegradable plastic bag not a biodegradable plastic bag? Well, to find the answer to this modern conundrum, simply put it to the test.

Take one allegedly biodegradable plastic bag and bury it in the garden for six months. After the six months have passed... try to dig it up. If you succeed and the bag is more or less intact - it's not biodegradable. Rocket science, eh?

All the recent confused and frankly ambiguous legislation concerning the simple common or garden plastic bag has succeeded in turning this fairly insignificant domestic hold-all into something of a cause celébre. Ridiculous!

Apparently, households throughout the Maltese islands have been hoarding plastic bags since Tonio Fenech broke the awesome and awful news in the last budget, that all supermarket plastic bags would carry a charge from March 2009.

So if, like me, you are knee deep in the things, you are probably wondering what on earth to do with them all. I mean, apart from incinerating the lot (not a good idea, so I'm told), or burying them all in a massive landfill, what are we going to do with all these millions of plastic containers?

Well, with my public services hat on, I shopped around for ideas for things to do with plastic carrier bags (biodegradable or otherwise). And I came up with a number of innovative and - dare I say - practical ideas.

For a start they make ideal containers for dog poo. These days our pooches, when out walkies, are no longer permitted to take a dump wherever they feel like... undisturbed. No, now we have to scoop the poo up, place it into a container (the aforementioned plastic bag) and dispose of poo and container in a suitable place. So what constitutes a suitable place? Speaking personally, I drop all my dog's poo off onto the doorstep of our local warden.

Can anybody think of a better place for it? No, thought not.

Another use for redundant plastic bags is inspired by watching tourists. During the winter months I've spotted a number of them protecting themselves from all the rain we've experienced this winter, by making rain hats out of plastic bags. They don't seem to care that their makeshift hat has Spend and Bust Supermarket printed on it, so why should we? A strategically worn plastic bag will keep that expensive hairdo in place throughout the heaviest rainstorm.

They also make excellent galoshes. Just tie one around each ankle, over your shoes and you can cheerfully go sloshing through the flooded streets, while keeping your tootsies warm and dry.

Another garment idea, a little more delicate perhaps, is to fashion the plastic bag into a pair of snug fitting, leakproof incontinence briefettes. That's one for my older readers - and just think of all the money you'll save.

There are actually countless uses for plastic shopping bags. For instance, have you thought how useful those larger than usual bags are for covering over the sitting-room chandelier, to keep off the dust. Then there is the plastic bag baby-bouncer. Just cut two holes for the kid's legs in the bottom of the bag. Then dangle the little nipper from a ceiling hook in said bag.

Since the new law was mooted I have been hoarding plastic shopping bags, like some people hoard gold or money. So now I am actually going to make a little money out of it. I intend setting up a stall in the street outside my local supermarket, this stall will be loaded down with plastic shopping bags. I will then sell them to shoppers at just 10 euro cents each, instead of the statutory 15 euro cents. Brilliant eh?

Or, if all these ideas smack of extra work... of course you could merely use the things to carry home the shopping in.